purplelavender

[purplelavender]

He can respond!?
Oh great. That’s totally unacceptable!
He committed crimes against me. I don’t want a response at all, because it will never leave my mind! I know exactly what will be said :'( Evil individual.
Why would they put a victim through further torment like that? Disgraceful

[purplelavender]

Sorry, I misspelled your username, SunshineRainflower *

[purplelavender]

Thank you for replying, Subshinerainflower.

It will be (detail removed by Moderator) years in (detail removed by Moderator) and since the police took no further action, will my contacting them make any difference?
Yes he was a former partner. He was my age at the time which made it worse! A teenager abusing a teenager like that. It doesn’t bear thinking about…
But yes he was absolutely emotionally and mentally abusive, but at the time I didn’t understand. I just knew it was wrong and I was miserable, I got the entire blame from him and his ‘flying monkeys’ and others he had manipulated and charmed. So many people painted me as “crazy and controlling” and “a liar” because of lies he’s told, that no one believed me!
Now I know that was typical textbook abuse.

I don’t think my parents care.
I truly don’t.
To be honest, they’ve been pretty useless and abusive themselves (emotionally, mentally, verbally and physically). I don’t really have anyone to turn to.
Nobody replies to me…
I see a therapist but she’s on holiday, so my upcoming appointment was moved to next week.
And I really need SOMETHING to help me hold on but I have nothing…

I’m not sure I can get help now? Isn’t it too late?
I was let down when I reported it at first so I don’t think anyone will help me. Nobody seems to care at all.

It’s destroyed my life but people are more focused on pointing out what’s wrong with me, than helping me.
I know I’m a loser and worthless, a failure at life.
I can’t even leave my house! 🙁
Nobody wants to help me so I think I’m giving up On myself

[purplelavender]

I have had therapy ever since it happened, so a good few years now. And I did report to the police but they dropped the case completely and left me in the lurch, unsafe and as a result I was harassed and sent abuse, assaulted in public places for “daring” to report the crime! Accused of “lying”. It was horrendous.

Everyone wants to silence me or just takes over entirely with their own story and I get drowned out.
I’d NEVER tell someone to shut up though and to let me say MY piece because they survived too and that’s so nasty, I know how it feels to be silenced but I am NEVER HEARD. It’s so tempting to say because I’m sick of carrying this knowledge of a horrendously abusive relationship and rape around with me all locked up inside.
It’s destroyed me. I feel nothing but anger, hatred, sadness and helplessness. I feel weak.
Other women get praised for speaking out and I get silenced or talked over.

I’m hesitant to call a helpline because what can they do? What can anyone do?
The police did nothing to convict him so what can anyone else do in reality? I will never feel safe or like my old self ever again… I hate feeling resentful of other survivors but I do.
I feel just as bad as the perpetrators for feeling this way. I just want someone to let me speak for once. It’s killing me :'(

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