Rapunzel

[Rapunzel]

I feel for you – what you have said rings so true with me. I went to call the police once when he was verbally abusing me in front of my son who was lying on his bed with his hands over his ears. But when my son found out what I was doing he begged me not to call them. I did report him to the police though -& but it seems that if he’s not hitting me then they don’t want to get involved. They wouldn’t consider a non-mol. If I did it via a solicitor then it would cost thousands. I hate feeling trapped and I don’t know what the answer is. One day I hope that these brutes will be extracted from our Haines in the same way other criminals are. Until then we just have to endure the hand that life has dealt us.

[Rapunzel]

If you have somewhere to go then take your children and go. I don’t have anywhere and I am totally trapped.
I know what you mean about questioning yourself too – I do it all the time – but all I know is that someone you love should not make you feel this way. That’s not love. I hate that it’s so hard for ‘normal’ people (those who have never been in this situation)to understand. Even the policewoman said to me “so why did you let him control your finances?”. Good question – I’m a strong, independent woman (or I used to be) who is good at her job but with him I’m a different person. People can’t understand why I stay. They don’t see that he has controlled the finances, run up loads of credit cards and if I left and stopped paying towards them and the mortgage it is I who would be in trouble. One day I hope women like us will have the law on our side properly and men like him can be removed from our lives immediately.

[Rapunzel]

I totally empathise with you.
I have been trying to get away from my husband for  years but still I’m trapped.
All what you say rings true with me – playing the victim, he’s racked up debts so I can’t afford to go anywhere until we sell the house. He kept going on at me to sell the house, why haven’t you sorted the house yet (like it’s my my job to do that!) so I got the estate agent round – then he refused to sign the paperwork. He has us totally trapped. I have to take him to court to get him to sell -& how much will that cost? Thousands no doubt which will end up being taken out of my share of the house. We don’t have a dog but we have kids and he uses them against me – plays Dad of the Year to them while behaving like a total jerk towards me.
Why can’t anyone help people like us???? It’s so unfair.

[Rapunzel]

Thank you IWMB. I did go and speak to an officer and logged it all. Mainly because at the time I was so scared that I thought if he ends up killing me, then I want to make sure he is done for pre-meditated murder and doesn’t get off with manslaughter. But I disagree- I think this new law ticks a box but nothing else. No-one seems able to help me – not the police,not women’s aid. Unless I win the lottery and can pay a solicitor to take him to court then I am just trapped.
Hope you are ok – best wishes R x

[Rapunzel]

So much of what has been written here has struck a chord with me. Thank you all for helping me feel like I’m not going totally crazy. I pray that one day there will be proper laws to protect us from this. You’re right, this should be taught in school. I just hope my children don’t ever have to endure what I have. The emotional abuse is one thing but being trapped with nowhere to go is quite another. With no end in sight it makes me wonder how much strength I have left to fight this. I feel like he will always control me. He will always win. I have no escape route. And to the children he is Dad of the Year. I just wish I knew how and when this will all end.

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