SailorMoon

[SailorMoon]

Possession. That’s how I feel:/ this is the correct word. Yes. He is confusing me at all time. Some days are “better” if I can put in that word. Some days are not and some minutes! I’m so up and down that sometimes I don’t know my name when I’m going to bed. He is so angry sometimes that I’m tired. It’s (detail removed by moderator) and I would like to sleep but I’m not allowed. I have to be awake. Sometimes he want me to be awake and spend time with him sit and watch ty and after sex. He sleep in another room. I sleep with child in the room. He takes what he want and that’s it. I can go. I’m happy than finally I can go sleep. If he is angry I’m scared to sleep. Once he did came to room and woke up our son and hurt me so since than I’m not sleeping till he won’t.. that’s the worst! I’m so sleepy at work sometimes. People think I have to charge my battery and drink coffe. I’m so so sad and angry to lie everyone:/ this is my life
I will post but I’m not sure still what I will do (detail removed by moderator). I need a plan . What I can do ? Pack his clothes and throw him out ? I need a plan but not involved police I do not want this. I don’t want this for my baby boy he deserve for better. And I have to try somehow to do in gently way to do it. I don’t know:/

[SailorMoon]

Yes I know.
“Your son should be a part of the reason to get out, not to stay.”
Sad thing- he really love our son and he say horrible things only to hurt me. To make me angry, sad , flustered. He is different sometimes with our son. I’m say sometimes , because he is swearing and saying things against me to him.
He don’t hurt child physically. But mentally yes. Child is confused and repeated what we are saying to each other..
I know that this may change too. So I’m aware and scared that one day he may send his anger in wrong direction.
My husband father was alcoholic. I found out from his sister also that his dad abused his mum. He say it’s not true. When I met him he did not had good relationships with dad. I never met his dad. He died before I met his family.
nowadays my husband stand up for him a lot – during conversation with his sister- at all time. he is protecting the father side! He claims that he understands his dad and it’s mother’s fault. Every conversation when they are drinking they argue about their father and mother.
Sister is on mother side an he is on fathers.
Before marriage I did not know. It’s horrible really. Now I feel like stupid. How l I didn’t know?! How I could be so naive?
In my house where I grow up no one could swear in front of children! He is swearing at all time. For me this is not normal.
And say to our son stupid things like to hurt me. He is saying to punch me when I’m say to eat dinner not a sweets. He claims that I’m enjoying our child and I’m bad.
Im very tired of this.
Still he is a father of my child. I don’t want my son to not have relationship with dad. Not grow up without him. I know my son love him. it’s his dad. But I’m so tired to try my best.
I do not understand how he can speak like this to the child.
Treating child like a pappy to use against me.
It’s not love? He don’t love his child ? Really. ?

Yes. And after saying about divorce. I stoped. I had to stop.
Because it’s makes worse. I stoped say what I want and what I’m gonna do. What ever i will do. in (detail removed by Moderator). He said it will be a war. And I’m weak and I will be finished. Lost.
Problem is I don’t have a plan. And I think he is right. I m Nothing. I’m so tired every day to deal with it.
that I do not have head to think. To make a plan. Clean good plan to get out. To get him out of our life. Mine. not our child.
My friend. I can’t go it’s too far . I can’t mess up with my child school / nursery
I think I just have to deal with a monster till (detail removed by Moderator) by my own.
I wish he just go away …
across a finger. Miracles happen?
But I’m scared that he may take my child away to hurt me. So I’m not sure.. I’m just not sure.. police? I’m so embarrassed. It’s too much with police.
How I let this to happen? What they will think. He is clever. I’m not.. the best would be separate and live with my son in one house and he can see son when when he want l, but just live separate. At least his hands would not reach me when he would be angry.

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