Shimmy

[Shimmy]

I definitely agree that mental abuse is much more damaging, KIP. It’s particularly vicious because people can be so dismissive of emotional and psychological abuse because, as well as mental health issues in general, because there’s a distinct lack of understanding about it. It often means we aren’t taken seriously and feel like we’re exaggerating, creating our own problems, or that we did something to deserve it, which just reinforces what the abuse teaches us.

[Shimmy]

You’re both right. I think most abusive people have their own methods of trying to keep control through creating feelings like insecurity and jealousy, some tactics being more common than others.

I read an article online some time ago about exes being used as an emotional abuse tactic so I thought I’d ask whether any of you had experienced something similar. It might specifically relate to partners who are more  (detail removed by moderator) I think.

[Shimmy]

I bought myself some Cadbury’s Tiffin today – an unexpected find while I was shopping! I was criticised constantly in my last relationship if I ever ate chocolate, so I’m glad I found the confidence to go and treat myself without any guilt attached to it. I also bought myself two books from two of my favourite authors earlier this month and I’m currently in the process of buying lots of new music. Music and a good book improve my mood like nothing else can!

After reading some of the previous replies in this thread, I may get myself some jewellery, a massage or some flowers too…

[Shimmy]

Thank you so much for your responses, you’ve all been massively helpful. It’s good to know that none of us are alone on here and that there are others who’ve sadly had to go through similar experiences.

Thankfully I’m not living with him at the moment so that’s not an issue. He definitely realises when he’s not been nice to me because it always follows the same pattern. He will go quiet for a few days after the incident, then he will text me asking if I want to come over and mention that he has some food that he knows I like, exactly like the cycle of abuse. He will then admit that his behaviour has been unacceptable, but whenever he’s disappointed with me he repeats all the abusive comments he made last time.

I can definitely recognise what you’re all saying about the aim of the abuse being to knock our confidence so we’re afraid and easier to control. The one thing I can’t get my head around is the negative comments about the way I look. He likes to collect images of women he finds beautiful, both just casual photos and porn, but shows little interest in me in that way. He’s told me I’m not his type before because of my body type, then he apologised and said I was his type, then when he got in a bad mood some time afterwards he told me I wasn’t his type again, so I feel like his negative comments about me are genuine. I’m so confused! His friends have been really complimentary about my appearance (both to me and to him on his own) and he always acknowledges that they’re right, so I really don’t understand it at all.

I definitely feel stronger after the one post I’ve made on here so far, so thank you all. Knowledge is definitely power!

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