Shinebright

[Shinebright]

This is my first post and the only way to describe how I feel is lost and stuck in a corner. Saw a Solicitor yesterday (Detail removed by Moderator).
I fell pregnant very quickly with my partner within (Detail removed by Moderator) months of meeting after a blind date! At the time everything seemed great. I had an amazing job and I guess it was the honeymoon period!
(Detail removed by Moderator) months into a difficult pregnancy of hyperemesis he informed me he had been in trouble before I met him (Detail removed by Moderator) Being the person I was I accepted this happened before me and that this was his punishment and to focus on the baby.
Work we’re starting to make life difficult for me and after having my baby sent me a letter paying me to leave – which ended up as a discrimination case and my career down the swany. But my baby was the focus and I knew in reality my job would have been difficult to manage around being a mum!
I guess not long after having the baby I started to notice and I guess learn who the person I was with actually was!
He regularly drank at home and in the local pub – little did I know how impactful this was going to be! To keep things brief in the last (Detail removed by Moderator) years the following ‘bad’ incidences have happened:

• Became angry at me pushed me into (Detail removed by Moderator) in bedroom and took my new born baby drunk and locked them in her nursery so i couldn’t get to them.
• Having bath with daughter and wanted me to apologise for something and repeatedly poured cold water over my head until I did.
• Cheated on me with a customer, leaving me
At home whilst he lied and went out with her (he said nothing happened just friends) the lies were really well though out.
• Repeatedly threatens to take my daughter off me if I leave him.
• Thrown me out a few times locking me out and taking my car keys, phone so I can’t go anywhere.
• lost his temper many times throwing suitcase at me and kicking baby gates or anything in his way due to anger.
• Called him selfish one night and he smashed (Detail removed by Moderator) in the bedroom up, destroyed it!
• Tells me to not open my mouth as all I do is moan
• Puts me down as I’m a full time
Mum and everyone is talking about me apparently as I’m lazy as don’t work – which believe me is not the case at all
• late with bills and rent and it’s all in my name so my credit is bad
• Stopped giving me any money so I have to steal some if he is drunk or unless he is in a good mood and offers, very rarely!
The list goes on….
In the last couple of months I also found out he has not been declaring tax and owes over (Detail removed by Moderator). So I can’t even get 30hours childcare even if I did get a job but he still wants me to PLUS he still drives a van for his job with no licence and no insurance!

I never ever imagined to be in this situation. I live on egg shells he is constantly in the pub at night or drunk at home! All his mistakes are never his fault always someone else’s and I make him
Angry – I have never known someone go
From 0-100 in 3 seconds!
I am frightened of his temper and anger, 100% rely on him for money and feel trapped living with all his lies and pity him!
I tell him not to drive my daughter in his van but basically get no say in the matter so always on egg shells. When he does have her every dog walk ends up in a pub!
In fact he told me just the other night if we separate he can do whatever he wants!
My Solicitor wants to give him (Detail removed by Moderator)
However why am I scared to go ahead, my daughter loves him, I wish he would
Leave off his own accord but he won’t! I am in debt with the house and can’t afford to carry on and my benefits may take 3 months. For me not once has the solicitor spoke about support for me as I believe he will explode temper wise and come back to the house! I have no confidence in the police due to something which happened to a friend where the police took half an hour to reach her and she had a panic alarm!
I want to protect my daughter who is adorable and I have shielded her from all this but she is getting to an age where she understands more plus I do not want her taken from
Me as she is my
Life! X
I am so sad this is how my life is, I feel unattractive-under valued and constantly put down due to not bringing any money in 😢

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