starlight.starbright

[starlight.starbright]

Thanks DIY Mum. X
Lundy Bancroft, Im familiar with – read Why Does He Do That last Summer. guess that’s when the penny started to drop for me. Children getting one to one support too now. I knew all along i think somewhere in my heart and soul, but hadn’t been able to stop him – nothing i did stopped him, yet everything i tried to put in place made him worse. I had gone for help a few times over the years, but not the right places it seems and the support now is very different to a few years ago. so i thought i simply had to put up and shut up. try repair the damage at home myself too. in such a hard place right now. the things that happened, years of horrible experiences and situations i found myself in, it is all washing over me when i least expect it. standing up to them is more terrifying that i could ever have imagined.
but thank you for listening to me and for offering advice. i appreciate. i guess sharing helps all of us get stronger and wiser.

[starlight.starbright]

Thank you so much for your words and advice.
Means a lot to me and I am glad to have found this forum.
I am sad to discover that this is common. The long-term damage this is causing families. Am putting things in place for me and children, but it is a horrific journey.

controlling men don’t like being stood up to do they. makes them far worse behaved. and I feel like finally i realise again and again yes, it was real and it did happen. and it is happening, but I have some back-up. i worry about posting here in case he reads what i have written, which sounds ridiculous I know, as it is anon and not specific. there are developments this week that i cannot share, but needless to say, he is managing to reveal himself rather rapidly to others now, which i understand to be a good thing, despite me being at the receiving end of them at present.

wish i had arranged a contact order years ago and avoided the damage he has caused. but i didn’t and this is where i am at and i am beginning to understand exactly what i am dealing with. knowledge is power. you are right Luckycat, “babysteps” describes it well. each day, he throws something else out of his pram, which hits me head on, but each day of no contact passes, a little bit of strength arrives. his emails and letters can knock me back to the floor, but have to pick myself up, dust myself down and take more steps. there are charities and there is help. i never knew! i no longer feel isolated by this and the hold he had, is slowly disappearing. i can see a long fight, as he has pulled out all the stops and told a lot of lies already and he wont stop. he never stops util he gets his way. not this time. no child should be subjected to verbal abuse of a person to another, no matter how quietly spoken and insidious it is sometimes. they need to grow up feeling safe around their adults and that is my main aim. and to mend the damage already caused. am exhausted. but staying positive.

[Author]

Posts