Stars

[Stars]

Hi I’m new here too, first post. I’m recently starting to realise I’ve been in an abusive relationship but still feel like it’s my fault.i met my partner when I was (detail removed by moderator)and I really liked him. My dad had recently left the family home and was later diagnosed with a serious mental disorder. I could say I went a little wild.
My partner and I first had sex fairey soon after meeting usually with the help of alcohol as I portrayed confidence but in fact was very insecure. He always said he would marry me 1 day and I felt special no one knew at first because I was soo young so kept it secret. I knew he wasnt only seeing me although he never told me I found out he had had sexual encounters with a number of my friends.On a few occasions he would become quite aggressive and controlling pulling hair, headbutting and I slowly lost many friends.I then got pregnant before (detail removed by moderator) and had 2 children by the age of (detail removed by moderator) During this time he cheated several times and had 2 children with someone else in between mine which I kinda forgave him for as he said it was my fault I never believed what he said when I didn’t know where he was for days and wouldnt have sex with him I rejected him so he got it elsewhere? But he didn’t love anyone else. The cheating continued for many years but he has never put me down regarding physical appearance always tells me how beautiful I am and how he wants sexual favours. I struggle with sex and feel soo uncomfortable about it so he used to spike my drinks to get me to loosen up… the feeling took away all the stress so then I would willingly take drugs with him. But he always expected wild sex including dressing up and watching porn fast forward (detail removed by moderator)he has a terminal illness I have (detail removed by moderator) children the last being born from bullying into having sex to stop the possible threat of rage shouting maybe a small hit or grabbed by the throat. I’m under psychiatric care at the minute and after telling my midwife she immediately said I’m in a abusive relationship. Hes so poorly and only has me even though we no longer live together he makes me feel so bad as I need time to sort my messed up head out. I’m soo confused and dont know if it’s my fault I feel like hes only been 100 faithful to me once he was too Ill to play around. Hes still very moody and verbally physically abusive also obsessed with sex and says he just wants me to love him…. I do love him but hes damaged me and the children and I cant forgive the past or present…

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