Sunshinexxxx

[Sunshinexxxx]

Well done.
Have you written down times he has abused you, how he treated you, how it made you feel?
You need to remember this when you are missing him. It’s ok to miss the good times but remember they come with bad times too which is the reason you got out.
Also distract yourself with some music a walk whatever you can to take the thoughts away.
Stay strong

[Sunshinexxxx]

Hi
An update… over (detail removed by Moderator) ago I did tell him that I wanted a separation it was during a discussion/ argument over him not accepting my point of view on a quite silly thing. Since then there has been anger, promises, tears, trying to make me feel guilty. He has now also been to drs and has pills for a condition that he says caused him to be this way. I replied other people have that condition and don’t treat their partner like this.
I have said I want him to move out and he has looked into it a little. Now he is saying we are companions rather than a couple and have been past few years. And we should be separated (he acknowledged we were now separated for this) but living in same house. I said I prefer if you move out.
Things are difficult in the same house I can feel myself talking to him more rather than grey rock. Today I’ve sat in my bedroom to keep away from him. I feel exhausted today not sure if from work or from all this. When I’m tired my resolve is low. But I know what I want but I think he feels if we are getting on that i can be persuaded to change my mind.
I know there’s no point going over what has led to this but sometimes it just comes out. All he says is sorry it won’t happen again. But so many years of this and change only happens for a few months if that then gradually back to ranting anger snide comments nothing good enough. Even just living as separated I would be wary of what mood he is in. Do you think it is learned behaviour on my part to be anxious of what mood he’s in?
I don’t want or feel I should leave my house. I’ve worked hard to pay for it and maintained and cleaned it and he’s done not much and lately nothing. He has paid towards bills but I also have debts of his on my name which I’m paying. If it comes to it I will leave but I will try really hard to stay and he can move out.
My son is an adult but lives here.
We have been together ( couple times split up ) for so long that i think of it as are partners so just my way of talking I guess.
I’m trying to stay strong.
Thanks for your replies they are very helpful

[Sunshinexxxx]

Yes I can relate to this. If I don’t tend to all his needs it’s bad mood/ “you don’t care”/a lecture. I go on doing it all just for a quiet life. But still there is something to moan/lecture about. And if I ask him to do anything he is in pain/our son should do it/he can’t because it affects his illness.
Funny how now I’ve asked for separation he does some of the chores and makes me cups of tea and i haven’t even had to ask!!

[Sunshinexxxx]

Thx for your replies and incites. I am still working up to telling him and he is being extra affectionate atm he can feel I’m not interested anymore I guess.
How do you find the courage to actually come out and say it without it being during an argument?

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