Wow, I am very overwhelmed by your responses. Its stunned me to have some validation and kindness. Its been quite emotional seeing my experiences written down like that. I feel like I am really starting to see it was abuse, and I am not just whining.
I am seeing an occupational therapist on Monday and I will open up to her a little about my needs for counselling. I’ve not shared it with any mental health professional yet. I think I feel quite ashamed that I let it happen to me. But I do truly believe I need some professional help.
I’d never thought about the chemicals in the brain involved in it all, I just assumed I stayed because I was weak and it was as good as I will get. I’d heard of Stockholm syndrome but I had never thought it applied to my experience. I guess because he never hit me directly(although I think it would of been if he could of), I just thought what he did was never serious. But now I am out of it, I feel almost emotionally hungover? I can see everything a lot more clearly and I am remembering different things. Its all hard to explain.
I like the idea of keeping a journal, I am definitely going to try that. I’ll also read the book that’s been recommended, it looks helpful. I’ve just had a look for a Freedom Programme in my area and theres one close by, so I am going to email the lady there.
Thank you so so much for taking the time to read my post and replying with such lovely and kind words. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to be understood.
