Titanium

[Titanium]

Hi mixed up mum, to be honest I don’t know how I am feeling! I have just finished reading, Why does he do that? by Lundy Bancroft. It is a very insightful book, I can see my partner in lots of different areas of the book. I am feeling kind of numb at the moment and I don’t know if it’s because I have gained more knowledge in what’s happening to me or what? It almost feels like knowledge is power and I am possibly starting to feel stronger. He is sensing something from me though – as if I know something and I am not letting him on it. In some ways, it is easier to feel something rather than nothing!
I do know, that, I cannot live the rest of my life like this. I will have to leave one day because at the end of the day, it is abuse and I really don’t think there is anyway of fixing it. The damage is already done. I don’t think he will ever admit that he is an abuser to seek the help that he needs and I am not really sure that I want to fix it now anyway, it’s gone too far xx

[Titanium]

Hi, thank you for your posts. Sorry I haven’t replied sooner, i have been working long shifts. Mixed up Mum an extra big thankyou to you because your previous posts on here was what made me realise my abuse! I do take comfort in the support of this forum and it is good to get it all out but at the same time it is absolutely shocking that there are so many women out there that have experienced/experiencing all types of abuse – some don’t even know that they are.
It has taken me a few weeks to get my head around this and I still don’t think I am there yet – it so confusing.
So, what do I do? Do I confront him with what I now know is abuse? If I do, I am concerned that he will turn it around on me and say I am to blame because I don’t want it anymore (he has done this before) leaving me to doubt myself and the way I am feeling and make me feel guilty.
The other thing I struggle with is, I don’t want to insult him (as crazy as this seems) – I don’t want to cause hurt and pain because he could become defensive and then do the old ”hands up, can’t go near you now” type of thing making me feel rotten again. On the other hand if I don’t say anything, then how long can I live like this and keep this pretense up for?
He is already questioning my behaviour towards him – since i have found out what has been happening to me – I find myself on the defense, I nit pick at things he says when I didn’t before, I have found myself arguing with him over what to watch on tv when it has never bothered me before (he has always had the last say on what to watch). I have found out that he is an emotional abuser too but that is for another time. How often does different types of abuse cross over? Can sexual/emotional abuse turn to violence? How safe am I?
Sending hugs x

[Titanium]

Hi Red1, and thank you so much for your reply- it means a lot! It is very much the way you have described it. He is always declaring his love before, during and after- explaining things away with he can’t help himself and having sex with me is his most favourite thing. He knows I don’t like the constant groping – especially around the kids-but he does it anyway. He complains at me when when he wants to have sex because he can tell by my body language that I don’t and says things like ‘why is it such a chore for you?’. Well, it’s such a chore for me because he has made me feel like this. No one else!
It is so difficult. But I am very grateful to have found this forum and through reading others experiences, I have at last realised what has been happening to me. Thank you for your supportx

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