Trefle

[Trefle]

You poor thing. Every now and then he throws a bone at me (by bone I mean acts of kindness) but it doesn’t last long. My grandparent died on (detail removed by Moderator). My car broke down. My anxiety is through the roof. If I go to the room to lie down to try and gather my thoughts he will shout through about how he is so hard done by to have to hang washing up or help with his child. I have a rubbish job a few hours a week because he won’t let me work but constantly complains that he has to give me money and tells me I’m ungrateful. I’m grieving my grandad and this morning I had a bit of a breakdown about the state of my life and all he had to say was that I was moaning ad started calling me a thick bast***. I started crying asking why he would say that to me and he got angrier and said you’re also a cow add that to your list of names I call you. He said it’s my fault because I annoy him. He said I “take take take” money because he had to help with the car but he won’t let me work? I don’t understand
We are supposed to be a family bettering all our lives and working together. How can he stand there and almost enjoy how upset I am. I told him I didn’t want to be here anymore and he said if he’s leaving he’s taking the baby. When I got upset he started repeating “shut up” and told me to go away in the shower because I’m useless and take ages to get ready. Now I’m sitting in the bathroom crying with the door locked and he knows how upset I am but he doesn’t care. How can he call me those names and say those things and watch me suffer?
He’s been threatening to go to the doctors to tell them that I’m crazy as well.
I hope that you get the help you need. It feels so lonely to be trapped here and I imagine you are the same. The whole tidying situation is exactly like mine. You are not allowed a day off. At this moment in time I just want to curl up in a ball. Everything feels like it’s going wrong and I want nothing more than to go home to my family to feel safe again but it’s too complicated to leavee to stay strong.

Please don’t let this man break you. I wish we could meet up so that we could be strong together. Life is hard enough without this.

Sending love your way xx

[Trefle]

Wow you all have no idea how muc better I feel after hearing your thoughts. Thanks for replying. I really do feel alone, he is already beginning the usual routine of pretending it never happened. I know if I try to discuss how it makes me feel when he talks to me that way it will just begin all over again..@KIP I watched a couple of youtube videos relating to the book you recommended and it really was an eye opener. Why I have never seen that I was just an object to him before is beyond me. I am here to serve him! “The rules” are exactly how I live my life…and it is true you never know what they are. Cooking, cleaning, name calling. He is a true bully. Really thank you for telling me about that it is so helpful.

Thanks again for your kind words – although I don’t know any of you you have really made a difference to my feelings about this. It is so confusing with him switching his moods all the time. Xxxx

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