Tryingtomoveonsafe

[Tryingtomoveonsafe]

Hey, sorry ur feeling this feeling, I know the feeling u feeling to well, I contacted the ex stupidly after zero contact, he reeled me back in, used me, everything was my fault and worse, everything I thought I missed about him I really didn’t, he was just as cold to me and making me doubt all my progress I had joined a gym he got jealous of that, questioned my every move but told me nothing of his life, he really made me chase him and do all the work, basically I was at his beck and call, I tried to call it a day over and over and he just kept pulling me back in, which I kept going back, I’ve had enough of feeling used and let down that I finally cut all contact and that’s exactly what u should do, I’m back at square one probably worse this time round!
Be do urself a favour and stay strong I wish I had of ❤️

[Tryingtomoveonsafe]

Thanks for replying, I’m in bed, anxious and back to that same feeling I had when we were together, my heart is pumping out my chest, I’ve not felt this for weeks, he’s ignored my texts and I’m back on the edge, I honestly don’t know how I’ve done a complete 360 in a few hours, I know he’s toxic and abusive yet now I’ve gave him the supply and slept with him, to have him ignore and disregard me all over again, I can’t tell my friends or family what’s happened as they will be totally disappointed with me. I feel totally used and I’ve allowed it to happen and at the time initiated it to happen, gave myself to him willingly! All my hard work and progress has gone, all them mixed emotions are back, he’s not bothered about me, he came to use me, I’m a fool 😩

[Tryingtomoveonsafe]

Thanks for ur replies, I’ve decided to write the day off and spend the day doing nothing watching tv and eating junk food, I’m going to stop being hard on myself, and try and relax and stop allowing him to take up all my head space. I’ve done so much reading into why he keeps blocking and unblocking and ur all right it’s to punish and control me more, the whole him getting supply off me sits so true as I gave him enough supply when I responded to his text and said how I missed him etc to then being ignored, his way of gaining more control from me! I’m annoyed I slipped up and gave him what he needed, as now I’m back feeling low and back to feeling I want him back, again all part of that trauma bond which only I can break, I’m finding it impossible to break.

[Tryingtomoveonsafe]

Thanks for your reply’s, I’ve gone massively backwards this week, I tried to contact him after weeks of no contact, he’s unblocked me and now I’m confused, why is it so difficult to presss block on social media and block them out your life? I’ve literally gone full circle and he’s playing games with me, I don’t understand how he still has this control over me, to the point I’m back in bed not wanting to face the world again, how does this even happen, especially when I’ve been so positive!

[Tryingtomoveonsafe]

Thanks for the reply, I go over everything every single day! I look at everything over and over again and I tell myself I don’t need him in my life, and I really don’t need him for anything, I’m very self sufficient and very very independent so it’s more a case of wanting him not needing him, I don’t understamd why I want him back so much, he has nothing to offer me, he puts me down and really makes me u happy when I’m with him, so why on earth do I crave him, it’s almost like I’m u for his spell, like I’m a naughty girl that he punishes and then rewards when he thinks I’ve had enough punishment, I see it all with my open eyes and I feel it’s abuse in every way but breaking it is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life and I’ve been through some tough situations that should of broke me, but this is killing me so bad xx

[Tryingtomoveonsafe]

Thank you for you reply, I started crying when I read ur post, because I still can’t accept it’s abuse, yet I know full well it is, my thoughts and feelings conflict each other, I hate how I feel, I’m taking positive steps and trying to keep myself busy, I’m doing things that I enjoy and it feels great to not have that constant knot in my tummy about him, I don’t feel on eggs shells anymore, I do have weak moments when I wish he would unblock me and forgive me for the huge argument I caused, but deep down I know I can’t go back to him, my mental health was suffering because of his horrible mean ways.
Thank you x

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