winegum

[winegum]

Hi, I’m new here too. I’ve been on this site for about 2 years now but never posted due to fear of posting on a public forum. I’ll try and explain just some of my very complex and ongoing situation. I still live with an abuser, I have been abused for the last (detail removed by Moderator)+ years and it still continues. My child left home approximately (detail removed by Moderator) years ago (their choice), I tried my best to make sure my child didn’t turn out like their father but it turned into a tag team of abuse from both. When my child left, I requested their father move out of my bedroom to my child’s bedroom after they left, which they did and this was a slight improvement. However, the daily abuse still continued. I was devastated for the 1st 6 weeks after my child walked out of our home in temper and then heard that they was asked to move in with another family member on the paternal side, which they later accepted. I later started to adjust and experience some relief from the abuse as I was left with just one abuser now. A couple of years later my child asked to return home as it was not working out with the family member they have moved in with and there had been a lot of arguments. I was shocked at the request but immediately replied yes but the same situation with the abuse couldn’t continue. My child refused to agree with my request on their behaviour and later got their own place with their partner and got married. This is where our relationship deteriorated even further as my child does not have much to do with not just me, but their father and now most other family members on our side. It started with a trigger when we were asked to attend a celebration and their father refused to attend due to racism and a strong dislke for our child’s new family who they later married into. I did not hold the same views. However, later I was told by my child to not come to this event on my own as it would be awkward and since then neither of us have been invited to normal family events held by my child bar their wedding and one meal over the last (detail removed by Moderator) years. I have since worked very hard to try and rebuild this relationship on my own, with no support from their father and I now get to see my grandchild about (detail removed by Moderator) times per year, albeit I feel that this has been agreed just to hand over presents at that time of the year and to mitigate me saying I am refused access to my grandchild. All visits are controlled by my child and they personally have to be present at the time of my visit, I’m not allowed to take my grandchild out on my own at all, no visits to their home, if there are any other family there (grandchilds other parent or their extended family). My child appears to follow their father’s footsteps with their cohercive control albeit not as violent as their father but just as verbally aggressive. I’ve resigned to the fact now that this is the best I can expect and that I thought their behaviour just related to me personally but now see over the years that my child treats everyone on our side of the family the same, (detail removed by Moderator). This has caused me numerous problems in trying to explain their behaviour towards my family which is very small. I find this situation extremely hard as I have suffered rejection many times throughout my childhood with my own parents and its like history repeating itself ( or is it karma?). At the moment I am feeling completely worthless, I have a couple of friends who I can talk to but the situation has gone on so long now I’m even bored of rambling on about it myself, to the point today I just turned my phone off and shut down my computer and lay in bed all day sobbing. I wrote to my child’s father (detail removed by Moderator) ago asking him to leave my home, which I own as I feel unable to live my life at all and I am currently feeling that it’s all just too much effort to carry on with things as they are anymore. My child’s father used my child as a tool to enable him to move into my home with me after I tried to separate from him (detail removed by Moderator) years ago and signed our joint property over to him for free, so he had his own property. I have asked him to leave on many ocassions since my child left home but he repeatedly refuses to do so. My child’s father has no financial control or ownership over my home as I had tried to learn something from my past mistakes and I was advised previously to write to him giving him notice saying he was no longer a guest in my home and ask him to vacate my property. I’ve done this multiple times verbally and then emailed him but he refused to read the email, I sent it recorded delivery to him and he laughed and ripped it up and put it in the bin. So not sure what I have to do next? I’ve also just received devastating news about the health of a member of my family who has been diagnosed with a terminal illness and he has mocked me and them and been extremely cruel to me about them, this has just pushed me over the edge (detail removed by Moderator) and I now want to shut down completely as I am unable to cope with any emotions I have left inside me and just spend all day in tears and I am unable to function at all. I need to be well to assist this family member with the care and support they require on this difficult journey ahead and cannot currently even look after myself due to the constant abuse at home. Sorry I’m not very confident in expressing myself in writing it’s one of my dislikes, I always prefer to chat in person. Also, thanks to others who are sharing their stories, you are so brave to do so.

[winegum]

Thanks Hayzydayz, I’ve tried to reply to you multiple times but cannot, please accept my apologies I’m in a right state at the moment x

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