Yellowrosepetal

[Yellowrosepetal]

Thank you all for your replies. I’m overwhelmed that you all took the time to read and reply to my post with such compassion when you are all going through such a hard time too. I have him blocked on everything now and have managed to have no contact for the past few weeks. I’m struggling to come to terms with the fact that the relationship I was in for such a long time was actually abusive, because I don’t think it was intentional. He has issues and I always just out it down to “anger problems” but nobody else ever seen it and I never really discussed it with anyone. For a long time, I thought that us loving each other was enough. I started exercising regularly at the start of the year and I think that had a part to play in helping me realise a bit of self-worth and that I could do things I didn’t think I could do. Although he didn’t always treat me right, I believed for a long time that we had an equal and caring relationship. I am beginning to see things differently now but it is hard to let go of the guilt. I met someone not long before we split up. Nothing happened apart from a few messages while we were still together, but we are seeing each other now. The timing is awful and unintentional, and adds to my guilt. We haven’t been public about anything, I know that everyone will think that I have moved on too soon and even those few who know my story probably think that I’m not giving myself time to heal. I know it’s nobody’s business either and that I don’t have to justify myself but I constantly feel the need to. He has been so supportive of everything and has helped me to see how I really should be treated. At the moment I’m living with my friend and her young child. I’m so grateful to her because I have nowhere else to go but I’m also finding it difficult not having my own space and feeling like a burden on her. I share a bed with her most of the time but a couple of times a week then her boyfriend stays over and I’m on the couch. It’s just the way it has to be right now but I feel a bit embarrassed to be so in the way. I’m on the waiting list for a council house and WA are helping to try speed up my application so hopefully won’t be too much longer. I also feel a bit anxious and worried about how things will be when I do move in. I have a bit of savings but will have to start completely from scratch and buy everything from furniture to appliances to flooring to the little things like cutlery and crockery. I have never lived on my own before, I’m a bit scared that I’ll end up hating it because I will have to do it all as cheaply as possible and will be spending so many nights alone. I do feel like I’ve done the right thing, I have good days and bad days but I never realised that when I left it would be such a long road to recovering.

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