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Thank you for your replies ladies, I’m so sorry you’ve had bad experiences with holidays too;
IWMB, i can definitely relate to not wanting to travel to certain places now after ‘incidents’, its like its tainted.
Ftc , I love that you’re working on it being something different now, I’m considering different types of holiday to escape the triggers.
So sorry to hear this Ayanna, I can relate- holidays were the worst. And hope life joy, good on you for making a stand about the smoking, and I really do agree with you about holidays with an abuser being very dangerous xxx

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Thank you so much for your support ladies. I’ve visited this forum since I left quite reguarly and have been given the best support.
I’m already seeing womens aid, My IDVA has been great and I’ve tried to put measures into place. I can’t believe he still controls my life in this way xx

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Benson,
I just wanted to reach out to you and say that you’re not alone. You’re doing your absolute best for you and your daughter, it’s everyone else’s attitudes which need to change. I’m having dealings with the police at the moment and have found them very condescending at times. However my plan from now on is to complain complain if people treat me like this even if nothing comes of it. I know the feeling you describe in regard to sharing this very personal information with clubs /school etc , It’s horrendous having to disclose everything when you’re a very private person and when you know the reaction you may get and people looking down their nose. Remember you have done nothing wrong. People from all walks of life get abused, Drs , people with money .. People should never ever look down on anyone else it says so much about them . Stay strong xx

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Thanks for your reply . I feel like I took 1 step forwards in leaving, now 1000 steps back. n c for dv have taken info for non mol order, lady was lovely . However police told me as threats were verbal and not recent they are not going to do anything.. A domestic abuse charity are going to help me with support we just keep missing each other on the phone.
As for moving it’s really not an option at the moment it’s just so unfair , I wish I could erase him xx

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I wish I could reach out and give you a great big hug. So much of what you say reminds me of one of the final holidays with my ex . I can understand that feeling of being isolated and apprehensive especially with drink involved. I geew to hate going on holiday for that reason amongst others. Something that helped me was associating a word any random word to the sheer fear and helplessness i felt when he was being abusive in our hotel room ..when I got home I would associate that feeling to remind me of the need to break away. If you feel that you might be at risk of harm familiarise yourself with the hotel reception and in a crisis im sure they would help you. Please stay safe xxx

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Hi I am feeling really weak lately but I read your post and had to reply. Regarding remembering incidents of abuse I found a webpage (using incognito browsing in case he checked my phone ever) it’s called protected text and its basically a password protected online page. I listed everything he had ever done no matter how small or insignificant it so
unds . The penultimate incident before I left I stayed up all night trying to think how I could get out.. I thought of a random word to associate those raw emotions to after the initial event so that if I wanted to .. I could try to remember how bad it was . I actually left after the last incident .. it wasn’t planned for that moment but I couldn’t take any more . I still visit the anonymous web page and read through all the incidents when I’m feeling like I’m missing him or want to go back xx

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Thanks for your reply KIP. I didn’t gave a good experience with women’s aid; the person I was assigned rarely got back to me and wanted to sign me off asap . I text her regarding counselling and didn’t get a reply which made me feel like I mustn’t be worthy . I do understand that they are very busy though . things have gotten much worse , I asserted my authority said he could see kids anywhere else but my house said he had no money , transport etc we argued and now he has taken an overdose over the last few days , went to hospital to be assessed tried to hang himself the works . I can’t believe he is acting like this he text saying to tell the kids he loved them etc I’ve had enough of all he is putting me through. I think if he is successful I’m going to have to pick up the pieces and feel guilty although I know I have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for . it’s just awful xx

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I would like to thank you both for your replies. it really does help to know that I am understood as nobody I know has ever had to deal with someone like my ex.
Something flared up which has caused me to react by telling him that he cannot see them at my house anymore and that if he wants to see them as badly as he says he does that he will make alternative arrangements .
I’m just sick of being controlled ; its what I wanted to get away from but I don’t see an end in sight.. I have really bad anxiety as I dont trust him and know that he will be scorned as he is losing his control over me . I think I’m going to try counselling ; really need to start airing my feelings to somebody impartial rather than family and friends as they don’t have any helpful advice. This forum is a godsend xx

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