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    • #143244
      Butterflyfreely
      Participant

      Hello there Lemondrop, I am so sorry your going through such a difficult time at the moment. Yes you can get the police to remove him, and they can get restraining order and other safeguards put in place, like markers at the property and property of close friends and family which will ensure the police respond faster if there is an incident.
      I have very recently left an incredibly mentally, emotionally and physically abusive relationship, and im not going to lie, its hard, but i believe we can do this, we can get better, and also i look back on all the mental and emotional abuse and wonder how i endured it for so long, and for me it was the fear that kept me there so long.

      Everyone’s situation is different, when you’re ready to take whatever steps you decide you’ll just do it, and it will be scary, but you will have support, womens aid can support you, they have helped me a lot.

      Sending you hugsxxxxxxxxxxx

    • #143243
      Butterflyfreely
      Participant

      thank you for your comments and support. I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult time yourself anonymous2022, it sounds like you’ve been a lot stronger than, me. Tonight i find myself in floods of tears missing my abuser, i want to see him again, but know i can’t probably. You are so brave if you went to the police, i’m still struggling with writing a statement, and not sure if i will go the to police at all, its like i think its ok what he did, and im ready to forgive him again because im lonely and i miss his personality and ive on some level forgotten all the pain he caused me while simultaneously berrating him for keeping most of my possession and living in my house and seeming like the agrieved party.

      Here comes another spiral, i get fed up of the whole thing, and wish he would just come and kill me already, anything is better than the waiting and wondering what he will do and what he is thinking, and if he is missing me at all or just a blank canvas looking for the next victim now that the control is gone.

      Everyone keeps describing him as this controlling individual (which he is) but like he was also very loving and considerate and supportive, but then they say he was a monster who would’ve killed me – i cant fit both concepts in my head.

      Thank you for listening i hope i can one day feel as strong as some of you ladies on here, but for now every second seems to hurt..

    • #143040
      Butterflyfreely
      Participant

      Thank you so much for your support and kind comments, i am really struggling, and it really does help to feel like im not alone, and other people actually properly understand what im going through, sometimes its hard to get through minutes even, and i have a constant nagging feeling like ive made the biggest mistake of my life by leaving. I have been trying to engage in some things- hobbies, but i find i have no concentration for anything, work or hobbies, and no real enthusiasm, i have gone for long walks, but it makes me miss the amazing scenery and nature walks i used to have literally round the corner from where i used to live, and i hadnt finished exploring that area before i was forced to leave, having spent years wanting to live there. Here, there’s some scenery but mostly town, and i miss trees!
      I just have trouble picturing settling in to a life here when i was still trying to settle into a life there. this location is complicated too (detail removed by Moderator), and travel in the future will not be easy, as everything like that will have to be planned, and i guess i feel hemmed in a bit.

      Thank you for your suggestions, i am going to try to address this with my advocate again tommorrow, i also need to write a statement summng up many years of abuse, and they’ll want dates and thing i just dont remember, and am trying to decide whether its worth taking legal action or not, but i am finding any excuse to procrastinate because its so uncomfortable for me.

      I also have to decide whether to cancel my tennancy at the old address or transfer it to him (for the sake of the dog i love) and because i am i nice person. But i hate that he might get to live in my house that we were both setting up together, mostly with my money (detail removed by Moderator) – its just not fair! And even if i go the legal route and it all works as its supposed to (unlikely) he will still get off too lightly im sure, and thats only if he doesn’t do what he says he can and avoid/control legal situations, and have me and my family hurt/killed, most think he is just making up stories and is a fantasist, but im still very fearful he’s not. How do you weigh up getting (so-called) Justice over potentially putting yourself in further hot water?

      Anyway, sorry for rambling on, but thank you very much for listening, I had no idea how hard it was going to be after leaving, when i was in it i bounced from having future fantasies involving me and him having this amazing calm life he had promised verses me having a calm single life doing what i want when i want thinking that once i was out i could persue this, but now its like its further away than it was then.

    • #143035
      Butterflyfreely
      Participant

      and im not very happy with an aspect of womens aid which is this – while i was in te relationship in my local area i had a lot of support, but once ive left and in a different area, i get one hour a week, which is actively clock watched, and no counselling yet, so i feel dumped by them to a little, because i need more help to understand what is going on with my head now, and what happened then too. But its like because im out i dont matter as much now.

    • #143034
      Butterflyfreely
      Participant

      Thank you for your understanding and kind words twisted sister – love the name by the way! the thing is that i almost dont want to look after me, like i dont care, like going back and having someon to be friends with at times and talk to even when it was bad is better than this feeling of being dumped away from all ive known, and i feel so agrieved because its my house (rented) that he is in, and ive had to leave and like the last few years which have been good sometimes and bad others, but they dont mean anything to him, that if he’s the monster everyone says he is, then it means he never loved me and ive wasted my years, and now i feel so hollow that im not sure i want to bother going forward at all – whats the point because i bet he will come after me one day and hurt me so i cant relax, or if he doesnt it means he neve cared and all those things meant nothing, and hes keeping my things out of spite, because tey are things that he gave to me, some had a lot of love and significance, and now that ive gone, its like he’s thrown me away, and most think i should be happy ive left but all i can think about is the being thrown away, after i endured a lot of suffering to prove to him i loved him, and i feel unbelievably stuck and like my existence is pointless.

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