Countrylass

[Countrylass]

Good Samaritan, that sounds awful. Truelly horrid. You were in a cycle of abuse and it’s clear to the outsider. All of those things would upset me too hugely and I know how hard it is to challenge them or make plans to go. It’s tiring. I’m so glad u got out. Xx

[Countrylass]

I think sometimes I’m in it for selfish reasons. To keep what I have and to have what we plan for still. Yet here I am hiding in the bath becuase he’s drunk as a skunk and has just come home. That’s it for me now tonight. Ill have to stay upstairs and my animals get a drunk person but I’m not risking going back down stairs now. It’s just fuel to the fire. What a crazy situation. Tiffany, well done for being so utterly brave. Xx and Good Samaritan I used to be friends with everyone in my village and now I feel sort of ashamed. Neighbour has trouble with him and the mess he’s made of our garden. The peace I had with my animals outside has gone too :(. Xx

[Countrylass]

Ps Good Samaritan I too have similar shows of authority and often involving our animals as we don’t have kids. To put them in danger for ego is unreal but it’s happened many times. Or when neighbours complain about something he does it again to prove he’s n8t being bosses by anyone and it’s us that have to make peace with everyone they upset.

It sounds like u got out for good reason and your days of doubt must be like alcoholics kicking the booze. You’ve done it. Get support and don’t take bullying again xx

[Countrylass]

Bless u two. My goodness Good Samaritan I can totally understand. When they wh8soer nasty things so no one can hear or shut the doors so they can scream in your face in private. Horrid.

And KIP I can’t fault u for giving in for peace. So many women do. I had one occasion like that but wasn’t forced or shouted at but accused of being frigid and unexciting etc in a particular place and I gave in. I’ll never forget it. To this day he thinks I enjoyed it.

Oh my oh my. This is complicated isn’t it. U two r survivors for sure and give strength to us all. Thank u so much for support xx

[Countrylass]

By the way KIP, I feel for u in the shopping and wrong milk scenario. That’s exactly the sort of issue that could erupt here. One tiny move wrong and everything else u have done for weeks and months doesn’t count. It’s exhausting. I described as being kissed, called names and shouted at and then asked to be passionately kissed again. That’s just how it feels. And by god u don’t want that second kiss do U?!!

And what u say about headspace is so true. I feel I spend my days and night with him and our issues rolling around in there like a big black storm and no space for anytbing else. I’ve tried reading or writing or anything to make it disappear but then there is another issue and it’s back to him dominating my days even when he isn’t here.

I’ve heard that people who go out with alcoholics have to detach. I’m trying hard to do that. I try hard not to talk about it but sometimes find myself having a moan and then wish I hadn’t cos it’s back in the room with me.

All of u who he said no and walked away – I have the utmost respect for u guys. Very very brave xx

[Countrylass]

Thank u both. I’m still unsure and I feel bad about that. I know it’s not right. When these outbursts happen I tend to shut down now. I used to argue but now I go numb and go upstairs. The quieter I am the more he will appologise and try to make me come backdownstairs and enjoy my evening with him. He doesn’t understand u can’t tell abuse at someone then shout at them to stop them shutting down or crying and forcing them to enjoy the next 2 hours with them. Controlling and it makes u feel like a robot:( . I’m glad u both gave positive outcomes…this could take me years xxx

[Countrylass]

Just looked on here for a positive of leaving. Well done 🙂 . U r going to inspire alot of people. I hope u continue to have a lovely free life 🙂 x

[Countrylass]

I’m feeling exactly like this too. I just gave him another chance. It lasted a day. Critiscm and bullying. Spiteful digs then laughing at my sensitivity. Started doing something together for the house and after an hour he got tetchy and had to ‘nip to shop’. He went to the pub. So I was left doing the job myself. For the millionth time. He came back from pub and couldn’t understand why I’d be fed up! Selfish.

[Countrylass]

Awww Cloudyday, I think our situations are very similar indeed. I too am nervous of suggesting things as it’s never right. Unfortunately I have had to boom every holiday and sort everything. He says he finds it too hard cos he’s dyslexic. So like a mug I do. And then I’m always wrong. The flight is too late, when can we get wine? (He actually asked me to beg my dad to buy him wine in fear we’d get to his country too late…my dad was an alcoholic and still is but now he keeps it from his partner). I was livid! But somehow I still called dad. I just wanted peace and no wars!

Mine too uses every excuse to drink if I am even working…let alone if I go out. And like u I have become less inclined to go anywhere in case he just gets hammered and the dogs r just left for hours.

U did such a lovely thing going away and a normal bloke would have been so happy. To pick on u about it was so wrong. To moan and whinge and then say his trip was just to get u interested is horrid. Really really hurtful . And u never forget things like that. U can pretend and they think u r fine but u never forget that.

My boyfriend had a dog so I was made up. I adore animals. He asked me to dog sit at the beginning! I was so happy. Then I ended up doing the lot..then we came a cross a rescue (detail removed by Moderator). He wanted it. I said absolutely no…no more (we’ve got a few!) . I cried. Said I’d prefer to start a family. He said if u say no it’s me or the dog. So I caved. And what’s more I sorted the entire thing …the passport, the transport, the vets, then I took a week off work to care for and settle the dog. I bought it all its stuff. What a mug!!!!! I’m ashamed.

One thing I’ll say to u is that your man taking birth control into his hands without consent from u is absolutely wrong. On every level. To put u thru that!!

The trouble is we aren’t in a position to just walk away and they know that. They know they have the charm offensive and the threat offensive.

We both need to be really strong!!

And in reply, yes I do see pals but mainly related to animals so it’s not late nights out. I wonder if it would be different if I went out all dressed up…i think he’d be more interested but I’m not into games and it’s not me to be all dressy.

Sending hugs ladies xx

[Countrylass]

My story is about boozing isn’t it? This anger and bullying is about his need to booze. Oh ladies. And yet I keep hoping somehow x

[Countrylass]

Hi and thank u ladies.

It’s good to know I’m not the only one with scattered friends and a man who thinks that means they are not friends! The wierd thing here is that he isn’t remotely bothered who I see, when or where I go. Literally not interested. There is not a shred of jealousy. He actually prefers it if I did go out alot more because it means he can go drinking with his pub gang for longer without me realising. He’s actually said that. He doesn’t want to join in…just can’t wait for me to go out so he can go out with the gang. They’re all on snap chat, etc etc and as soon as the phone pings my heart sinks. Then he’s gone!

He got wierd about me working from home becuase then he couldn’t work half a day and drink half a day…. same issue with me (detail removed by Moderator) near by.

It has nothing to do with if something makes me happy or I have a better quality of life…its about him not being able to shirk half the day off to sit in pubs.

Staryeyed, I am definately more isolated like u said. I sometimes shut my curtains in the day light becuase I don’t want anyone to see me like this.

I’m told it’s been the same with previous girlfriends who left him. He’s.even told me he used to sneak to pubs on the way home and make excuses to one becuase she had kids he didn’t like!

Like an idiot I thought he wouldn’t do that to me! I bought him a (detail removed by Moderator)experience. He was so happy. But them he didn’t want to do it during the week…then not when it’s raining. Nearly (detail removed by Moderator) went by. It was running out date wise..he admitted bed rather go with his best friend. 1. Becuase it was more fun and 2. They could grab a meal and the pub afterwards and make a real day of it.

I was gutted. Am I not a friend???? (detail removed by Moderator) quid (detail removed by Moderator) that never got used. Xx

[Countrylass]

Ps he also says my friends are not real friends. Some r horsey friends I’ve met thru riding, or people I’ve met thru the dogs. I didn’t grow up round here so my friends are scattered far and wide. Apparently that doesn’t count. I’m not part of the gang.

I tried a few times to join in but I don’t enjoy watching blokes play darts or lean on bars being ride about “wierd people” they see in pubs or taking the micky for hours.

We went for a big walk once and had a pub lunch. It was fab. But 2 friends turned up and he wanted to carry on drinking with them . When I said no (I wanted a walk and lunch not a drinking session)..he took me outside and called me the c word and is ruined the day. Goodness writing it down makes me feel stupid now xx

[Countrylass]

He says I’ve isolated myself. Because I don’t go out to pubs drinking. I have never been into that life from the start. He told me right at the beginning that I am so amazing I’ll keep him out of pubs but ever since I’m called names for saying could u put us first before the pub SOME TIMES. but he won’t. Instead he goes out to various pubs alone and says I should be nice when he gets back. I don’t want to spend time with a drunk person. Every row = hours in pubs. Apparently they all agree with him. That I’m mad. He’s the life and soul, Every one knows him. So now I avoid everyone locally. I have totally seperate friends. All his gang r drinkers. And single.

I make excuses for people to not come round because I’m too tired and emotional or there’s an atmosphere. I’m embarrassed that our house l8oks like a half finished rented home. He says it’s fine like that. I love design. I thought we’d do it up together. But no.

He seems to live his life pretty well…pub cronies, goes to pub based events and nights and sees his family and has meals out and buys clothes. Whereas I’m alone and working hard but pretty poor and ashamed to see anyone. His life is his he says. It doesn’t count that I bought our house.

I’ve asked for him to share his life not devote himself to me. But he always has an excuse about y he has to go out…and then u realise the pub has had an event etc etc…i think he goes to give him the excuse to go to be honest.

Obviously it’s no got worse due to the rows. He says why come home to a crying woman? I would be the opposite. Is want to sort it all out.

U have done amazing getting out kip. It’s good to hear u feel so liberated. Well done x

[Countrylass]

Thank u both for support. And my heart goes out to both too. Cloudy day I feel the same. People are either desperately worried and then u can see their faces when u phone one day and say “everything’s fine, we are trying again”. It’s not their fault I would be the same.im glad I’ve found this space to talk. I’ve got 2 amazing pals who don’t live near me a d they r fab and don’t judge. But they both have started hating him. My family live far away But don’t want to visit becuase it’s so awkward and there are too many rows. U don’t feel like visiting someone who’s moaning and crying do U?! I can’t blame them. But u become isolated. I put a brave face on at work. But when I look to the future I think we’re never gonna get married or a have a family and no one will want me to do either with him. That makes me so sad. And I feel just like u- my brain is a fog. And worse still I hardly used to drink and now I find myself reaching for wine in the evening when I can’t take another moment of my feelings. So I’m even foggier!

[Countrylass]

Bless u cloudy day. It’s not fair at all. I really understand. U shouldn’t have to fear do Some u r supposed to love a vice versa. The trouble is I can see it in everything u say but to admit this is happening to me is so different isn’t it! I don’t want to believe it. The more 8 stand up to him the angrier he gets. He goes nuts or laughs if I cry. Lack of control over me I guess. I hope u are safe. Can u call a friend to stay over as support? x

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