Emotionallydone

[Emotionallydone]

Aw Blackfish. How awful for you. Firstly, well done for telling him, not because he deserves the respect to be told this, but because I know how difficult that would have been for you and the fact you did that, shows the strength you have without even realising. I’m sorry to hear what his response was, I too hope that if I did ever tell my husband he would comfort me and support me but he absolutely wouldn’t. I’m still here, trying to figure out how to leave.

Use that same strength you mustered up to tell him about the debt to finally leave. Don’t worry about your stuff just yet. You can deal with that later. Can you get your hands on any money? Get a taxi to the train station and get on a train to your family or friends? It would be a temporary solution and then you will have breathing space to figure out where to go from there? Sending hugs

[Emotionallydone]

Thank you ladies for your replies. I’m so sorry you are all experiencing this too.

Nbumblebee, I know exactly what you mean. We go through the same process over and over again, for years. Wanting to leave then wanting to stay. There’s the good days that we hang on to that makes us so confused. I know I want to leave, 100%. I fantasise what life would be like with just me and the kids and not him in it and a smile crosses my face. Which is rare. So I know I need to. I just don’t know how.

Better days. Thank you. I find it hard to reach out because I am so unbelievably embarrassed. I don’t want people to know that I’ve lived like this for so long and I need to get this thought process out my head. I also, don’t want my kids to know. I don’t know why I feel so protective of my horrible lifestyle. I’m glad you reached out a little to your friends, keep doing so and let them help you if they can. I know once I tell my mum, there will be no going back. I guess that’s a scary thought for me.

Sweet4 I’m sorry you don’t have anyone to turn to for support. Have you reached out to your local woman’s aid? Keep putting money away and hopefully one day you’ll have just enough to break free.

Sometimes I stare At myself in the mirror and can’t believe what I’m looking at. The person before would not put up with any crap from anyone. I actually talk to myself in the mirror and tell myself to remember who I am and f**k him and it actually gives me a bit of mental strength for a while then he could knock that with one look.

He controls my mood, I hang on every single word, mannerism, action be makes, day in day out. I can read him like a book, I know what each tone, expression, mannerism means, I can tell what mood he’s in by the way he does little things. He drains me and has drained the life out of me. The heartbreaking thing for me is that I feel like he has robbed our kids of an authentic happy mum. I do my best to pretend to be happy and fun but inside I’m on a nervous wreck.

I also forgot to mention about the constant tests. Does anybody else get this? He’s always testing me, and he thinks I don’t know which is the weird part. I can tell when I’m getting tested to see whether I’ll initiate sex, if I don’t I’m questioned. If I do, I’ve passed. I get tested for so many things.

I hate him so much. I can’t wait to be free!

[Emotionallydone]

Thank you for your reply strongLife.

Did you finally leave and are you at peace now? We’re your children older or younger?

I hope your life is better now.

[Emotionallydone]

Hi. Sending you a big hug. I know all to well how you feel, I’m in the exact same situation and it’s awful, the anxiety it causes is so extreme and the thought of him finding out. I don’t have the answers, sorry. Is the mortgage in both your names? If it’s just his then it won’t matter I don’t think. If it’s in both your names, you can try and convince him to stay with the same provider as I believe there is no credit check to renew the fixed term? I don’t know though. I hope your ok. I thought about telling my husband just to relieve myself of the anxiety and stress, I’ve since decided I’m going to leave him anyway as the abuse is too much and getting worse so I’m taking my secret debt with me and it’s one less thing he has to throw in my face.

[Emotionallydone]

My behaviour definitely changes when he’s around and I become more apologetic and nervous and I’ve wondered if the kids notice. I guess I choose to convince myself that they don’t. I’m constantly on egg shells and have a strong feeling of impending doom all the time!

I’m so scared about what’s all to come and I’ve wanted to to this for years and always found an excuse not too. I’m determined this time to see it through. I just need to get my head straight and figure out a plan. When I imagine what it will be like I’m crippled with fear but amongst that, a tiny little bit of excitement comes through at the thought of being free. I’m hanging on to that tiny feeling.

I’m so glad to hear your free now and hope so much that you are finally happy.

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