Flopsy

[Flopsy]

It sounds to me like he’s playing mind games, making you doubt yourself and your experiences. He’s trying to hoover you back in.
I recommend going no contact. If you absolutely must have contact, maybe due to children, then I recommend using the ‘grey rock method’. Google will explain it better then I can, but you only speak to him when necessary, only facts, no emotion, no leading conversation, so you become boring to him, like a ‘rock’ and they back off.
From experience though, he will try anything to get a reaction from you, to get into your head, but don’t fall for it. You are strong, you can do this x

[Flopsy]

My refuge experience was also positive. I went into 2 different refuges, both had the same set up. I had my own room but all other facilities were shared. In the first one I had to share a bathroom, but in the 2nd we all had our own private bathrooms. We shared a living room, playroom, garden and kitchen, with allocated fridge/freezer and cupboards and shared utensils. Washing machine and tumble dryer on site. The 1st refuge had a dedicated staff member to help with the children, like a health visitor almost but she specialised in dv.
Both had staff there usually 9-5 5 days a week and were very helpful and supported me with everything.

Personally I was very distressed when I first went in, and the staff called the refuge a ‘holiday home’ so my kids didn’t worry too much. They handled it well, particularly as they had toys and other children there too.

[Flopsy]

I’m not sure if I qualify. I think I would based on income but I’m not in a refuge or in the relationship still. I’m scared to check in case I’m not eligible, as daft as that sounds. The thought of not being able to afford representation is really triggering.

[Flopsy]

Thank you for your replies. I’m going to try and find out the address but have a feeling I’m going to struggle with that one.

I didn’t know there are local woman’s aid so will contact mine tomorrow. I’ve contacted a mediator but now doubting if that was the right thing to do.
He told a family member his ‘reason for needing’ to take them away from me, and it’s so ridiculously petty that I believe no court would pay it any attention. He simply wants to move away and take the kids with him.

[Flopsy]

Not sure how I’m going to get him to part with an address. I was horrified to find out (detail removed by Moderator) that he had taken them to see the house. I had no idea that’s where they had gone.

They’ve been offered all that their hearts desire….if they move in with him. My eldest hasn’t fallen for it but my (detail removed by Moderator) year old has. Shes so easily manipulated by him it terrifies me to think of what will happen if she moves with him. She’s said yes but I don’t know if I can stop that.

[Flopsy]

Thank you for replying.
How do I find a contact centre? I know where there is one in his town but don’t know I’d my town has one.
I’ve reported the incident to the police. I had to do it online as I couldn’t get through on the phone. My only concern is one of my exes immediate family members is now a police officer and I’m terrified he’s going to tamper something.

[Flopsy]

Thank you for your replies.
I’m not in the position at the mo to take him to court whereas he does have the money so I feel like I’m constantly trying not to rock the boat.

I think it is a case of him trying to ‘win’ the kids over and give me the ‘scrappings’ but it upsets me most because it goes against what my kids have said they want.

Can anyone give me approximate figures of how much it’ll cost to get the official agreement changed please? I’m guessing it’s going to require a solicitor.

Thanks again

[Flopsy]

Thank you for your reply. Deep down I suspected its some kind of mind game. He drops them into conversation as though he’s talking about the weather. Its frightening how someone can be so casual about such violent acts, yet he can quickly spin it on its head and play the victim so well it makes me feel guilty and doubt myself. Its exhausting.

[Flopsy]

This is one of my concerns. I don’t feel like I can protest too much as I cant afford a solicitor, I only had one before thanks to legal aid but I’m sure I only got that as I was in a refuge?
He on the other hand has parents who are happy to cover any legal costs for him.
I have looked for local family solicitors but none offer any free advice, might have to consider looking further afield.

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