I can relate to 1). I had been asking for help for years. ( it took me (detail removed by moderator) years to leave) and the response was always something along those lines “you’re a strong woman”. Well, obviously I didn’t feel it. I’m educated, well-spoken , and employed full time, so it seemed there was just an assumption that “ everything will work out fine” I didn’t seem to be able to find any practical help, just advice. I knew what I needed to do, was having a hard time getting started.
I don’t know how to change attitudes like this. It seems that you get more help if you appear to make yourself helpless.