Glitterbug

[Glitterbug]

So much of what I have read on this post is familiar to me. Especially about turning on your lovely family after you used to have fun and go on holidays together. That is exactly what has happened to me. He started turning on them after we had children. I still see my family but avoid as much contact as I would like to save the heartache and hassle I get off my husband about them but I miss them and it makes me sad.

My husband also has no proper friends. He is critical of most people. He never goes out without me – I wish he would. Then he makes me feel so guilty if I want to go out with friends or family so I usually don’t bother. My heart sinks when someone asks me out somewhere because I know either I’ll get loads of grief off him or I’ll have to say no to them and come up with a lame excuse I feel bad about.

He never got on with his own family and as much as he complains about them he is just like them. They live in a little bubble too and that’s what he’s trying to create for us and I hate it!

Like you, we have good times and it’s easy to try and forget the bad…but it always comes back. I too am trying to find the mental strength to leave and I’m getting closer all the time but I know it will be so difficult for everyone and I don’t know how we would do it and it scares me so my worries are still holding me back for now. However like someone else said I hate the thought of my kids growing up and turning into him.

[Glitterbug]

Thank you so much for your replies. It really helps to get other people’s thoughts as I haven’t confided in anyone about it in my real life. Maybe because I know there would be no going back from that. I nearly did recently but then things go back to normal again for a while and I start doubting myself. Also we have a big family celebration coming up and I don’t want to put a downer on that for everyone. Although I know there will never be a good time.

I rang my local women’s aid a couple of weeks ago when I was feeling like I couldn’t cope anymore and offloaded but I didn’t ring back. For some reason there is a stigma in my head about doing it. I know that’s wrong. I also think of my husband’s reaction.

Rainyday that does sound similar to my situation. I came off social media a few years ago, again to save aggravation. I know now I shouldn’t have done any of this as it means his behaviour works for him.

I too feel like the damage has been done and although at times our relationship can be great I know his personality will never change and things like this will always be an issue. I feel recently my feelings towards him have changed and it’s just me finding the courage to leave.

I am also trying to weigh up if the benefits of being free will outweigh the downsides eg having to be apart from my kids half the time.

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