Happynow

[Happynow]

Hi Older Lady

I also feel that many people would feel a sense of guilt for what their children have been through…..which is completely normal. I’m not saying that anyone man or women deserves abuse in any form as they don’t and it isn’t our fault if we are unfortunate enough to come across one of those horrible humans, but unfortunately it does happen.

1) If you wait or think for one second that you will get an apology from the perpetrator you will have a very long and disappointing wait, as they do not care about the hurt they cause to people, so it is our duty as parents to re-assure our children we will TRY not to get into that situation again, it was wrong of me to say never as we can’t control the future or another human beings personality, but I know personally after my experience in the refuge that if I ever met a man like that AGAIN I would 100 per cent be strong enough to walk away the first sight of it with no second chances given, but that is just me personally. Mainly because I now know the consequences to my life if I dont, I have learnt a valuable lesson. The court was beyond unfair to me and could basically do nothing which made me so angry, he even got housed before I did but unfortunately the laws are the laws whether they are fair or not, something beyond our control. I also feel that many people would feel a sense of guilt for what their children have been through…..which is completely normal. I’m not saying that anyone man or women deserves abuse in any form as they don’t and it isn’t our fault if we are unfortunate enough to come across one of those horrible humans, but unfortunately it does happen.

2) When I said everything happens for a reason I meant due to my past I now have a happier life where I live, my child is happy, I have achieved many things I would not have if I was still living where I was………that was my “reason” for the horrible period of my life, I wasn’t saying the abuse happened for a reason, that is just insane lol, but I completely understand that you have a different point of view and totally mis-read the hope I was trying to give others, hopefully one day you too will see there is light at the end of the tunnel. Alot of people don’t understand that saying.

3) I completely understand what you are saying, but everyone’s personal experiences are different. I know due to my own low confidence I kept going towards the wrong type of man so I did make bad relationship choices but again that was my own personal experience….no two people are the same.

4) Not all people can smile again which is terrible but many many women can and I am simply here to show women that there are some success stories after such a terrible trauma and I’m sorry if it didn’t help you but like I said everyone is different and I have helped some people on here and that I am grateful for.

I’d also like to note that there is always a sense of fear inside of me due to my experience, it isn’t all rosey 24/7, but every year gets easier if you learn to make peace with the situation and try to find the positives on your journey forward rather than dwell on the negatives.

Our thoughts are extremely powerful and can have such an impact on our lifes.

[Happynow]

Hi Flowers and Rainbows,

Please dont be sad, you need to keep remembering that a bad apple will not turn right again. My ex did similar things to me all just to try and make himself feel more important than he actually was. You need to think that this new girl is now experiencing all the awful things you did, it wasn’t your fault he was the way he was its his own insecurities and the need for power that controls men like that. But he won’t live happy ever after with the issues he does that he probably can’t even change, whereas you CAN and WILL have a happy ever after and you will look back on him and wonder why you let it hurt you so much.

I understand completely what you mean though but forget about what he is doing now and just concentrate on yourself and how is best for you to feel better, your probably thinking easier said than done and I know it is but I have been where you are now and I just want to give you a little hope that you will be ok, your not the one with the problem, he will hurt again and you are lucky to be free of him xxx

I did write in the are you new forum, give me a read just in case it might help a little somehow xxx

[Happynow]

Thank you Older Lady xxx

[Happynow]

Well said xxx

Keep that strength up and you will be just fine xxx

[Happynow]

Pearlescent I’m so happy to hear that you too have come out the other side with a happy story as it will give so many ladies hope.

It also helps us to talk and help others to make peace with what has happened.

xxx

[Happynow]

Most definitely xxx

Never ever give up hope xxx

[Happynow]

Thank you BlueMonkey xxx

Its so important to smile and never let anyone steal it away from you. Life does get easier and we become much stronger.

Im always here for a chat if anyone needs one xxx

[Happynow]

Your so right xx and if we all help and support each other and share our experiences we can all help one another xxx

[Happynow]

Thank you Lightness xxx

It has really made me happy seeing so many replies xxx

[Happynow]

I’m so pleased to see that my post is helping, thank you xxx it’s also helping me as its giving me the chance to talk and to help and mainly I just want to help, I remember how sad I felt back then so I just want to give people hope and make them smile 🙂

I’m reading a great book at the moment for Anxiety called Anxiety, Panicking about panicking by Joshua Fletcher. I saw someone from my past and it brought on a panic attack and the extreme fear of fainting that’s how the anxiety was discovered and this book has helped so much and I only got it less than a week ago lol. I think after our experiences we tend to over think everything so this book was re-assuring.

Thank you so much for your reply xxx

[Happynow]

Thank you Bubblegum xxx

[Happynow]

I’m glad it helped a little, I remember very very clearly how I felt when I was in the refuge, I felt like a failure in so many ways, that was definitely my lowest point in life and I just found it hard to have hope but I promise you once you are free everything will start falling into place, some things slowly and some things will happen quickly, but you will get there and will be very strong and extremely proud of yourself when you do xxx

Stay strong and if you ever need a chat I’m here.

Happynow xxx

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