heartbrokenwoman

[heartbrokenwoman]

thankyou @braelynn I must look that site up. Never heard of it before.
Yes I want out. I want out! I’m so unhappy living in this bubble. I’m not even really living at all when I think of it & neither are my children. I wish it was possible to go back in time and never have seen him! I wish my kids dad was someone else! I no longer remember the lucky go girl I used to be… I’m a shadow of who I was, who he fell for because of his abuse and the isolation I’ve been put under. I feel like a withered flower! I’d run for the hills if I could just gather the courage. I’m afraid of what I’ve to deal with when I leave with becoming a single mother with two toddlers no money and then the backlash from him, he’ll blackmail me, tell people I’m an unfit mother etc he’d most likely get social services involved. All I want is peace & happiness and find the person I used to be. I want to be able to freely say hello to people and stop and chat good I wish. I’d like to be able to join social media and reconnect with others I’ve missed throughout the years. I’d like to be able to do stuff in my own house without being criticised and told to stop what I’m doing. I’d like to be a happy mother rather than one who is constantly put down and belittled and told I’m doing everything wrong “you should do it this way and listen to me” is what I’m told day in day out. Every day is just a blur to me now. If I didn’t have my kids I’d have ended my life by now. I’m unable to take the control and manipulation anymore. I feel like a caged animal that’s constantly scolded. I don’t feel like a 30 something year old woman who is in control of her life. He dictates everything and if I don’t follow or put up a fight I’m gas lighted and walls put up around me by him refusing to speak or acknowledge me. I wish I’d never ever met him! And what’s so annoying is that I know too many people think he’s a great lad no one would believe what I actually go through

[heartbrokenwoman]

Please don’t have a baby with him!
I have (detail removed by moderator) small children with my controlling partner and things have gotten much worse since having my beautiful babies. I’m not allowed to bring them anywhere on my own, can’t even visit my parents who live very close to me. I’m constantly making up excuses as to why I’m not visiting but they’ve now copped on something isn’t right. He doesn’t even like me taking them into a shop. I’m constantly criticised as a mother. I don’t do this or that right. I should listen to him more on how the kids should be raised etc now I’m having to deal with being pushed into doing up our will so if anything should happen to us our kids should go to the care of his sister which I don’t want. I’d prefer my own sister who is unable to have kids of her own was able to raise them but he’s just mentally breaking me down and I’m being forced to pick his family to raise my children because I’m told my family are unfit!
I also know if I walk away that I will have a custody case on my hands and social services as he will tell them I’m unfit etc I have all this hanging over me along with the fact that I live a life where everyday there is emotional and controlling abuse taking place. I’m at my wits end. So please take it from someone who has had kids with an abusive partner, don’t do it! it makes everything much harder. I love my kids but I wish I’d had them with a nice decent man who actually loves me and brings out the best in me. Things never improve in relationships like this esp when kids are brought into it

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