JUSTINCASE

[JUSTINCASE]

I’d really recommend you buy Living With The Dominator by Pat Craven. It contains everything that is on the Freedom Project as she devised it. My ex did this and completely blank me if I intoated. Sounds like your stuck in the cycle where he only apologizes when he feels you might leave. That is how they keep you. It’s noting to do with how strong you are not being. He’s using every trick to undermine that strength and confuse you. Start writing a diary of everything you both say if you feel safe and able to. It will help you gain clarity and show the true picture of how he manipates the facts.

[JUSTINCASE]

I left my abuser (detail removed by moderator) ago. Initially I felt ephoric but then I crashed and had a long period of confusion and tiredness. I barely functioned other than the basics for the kids. That’s when the memories started flooding back and along with it some deeply painful emotions. I think looking back that’s why I started drinking so heavily. I’d stare at the walls in a tense anxious state drinking then pass out asleep. I did have friends but they didn’t fully understand and I didn’t lean on them as much as I could have. I expect that was how he’d trained me to be, so I didn’t get support. I’d got back in touch with my parents and had their support just before my exit plan, but didn’t fully trust them either at that time.  (Detail removed by moderator) I’d moved back to be nearer my parents for support and just started to be able to feel up to meeting new friends. So that stopped that. Now I do talk to a few Mum’s and Dad’s at school, but no real friends. My old friends he’s started converting, meeting up with them when he has the kids and so I don’t know who to trust now. One even appears to be like a girlfriend. However I have met a new non abusive man and things are amazing. Hurts sometimes when some trigger happens. But he understands and we talk. He was abused by a previous female partner, although not as badly as I was. It’s incredible I’m still unpicking why my ex did things. On holiday abroad with my new man I was allowed my own key and the freedom to go wherever I wanted! That caused a complete meltdown in me with bad holiday abuse memories surfacing. You will find yourself again have no fear of that. It takes time to process after leaving. Everyone has their own timeline as well. I’ve gone quite quickly. I still feel my whole life has been wasted and ruined by him. Others I know are more than double my time but only just getting better. Keep doing little things. Simple things. Getting out into nature. Eating your favorite foods. Any activity you enjoy. Give yourself permission to do it. And remind yourself you don’t ever need someone else’s permission for it or anything else ever again.

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