Twisted Sister

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Pineapplepie

I definitely don’t think it’s an easy thing to talk about for most, especially to a stranger, but, I have to say that these particular ‘strangers’ do know the most about this topic, and how very hard it is to speak about. IDK about the National Domestic Abuse Helpline specifically, but I’m thinking they would be women who wouldn’t judge you, and should be patient and understanding, allowing you to take your time and talk as much or as little as you want.

It can also take several run-ups to it! It might feel too much for the first few times and it’s not uncommon to feel overwhelmed and back out, but, take your time, and remember you stay in control of what you say, it’s your help for you and will be led by you depending on what you need. The web chat on here might be useful for you too? Sometimes it’s easier to write than to speak?

Whatever helps you best and feels most comfortable for you.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

…they are right and you are wrong, always, and never take responsibility for anything, just use it as something else to beat you with, keeping you under their power and control. If they show any ‘weakness’ they see that as loss of control, and they are all powerful, strong and in control, whereas you are flakey, rubbish, mentally suspect, can’t make decisions, not to be trusted and so on.

This is all to establish that he is the master of the house, the dominator and holds all the power.

ugh!

There’s a book called ‘The Dominator’, that explains all this very easily, actually it’s probably online as a course also, but you could buy the book, which is a smallish easy read, perhaps you could ask your local library for a copy, or order one to be delivered to a trusted family member/friend.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Pineapplepie

See my reply in your other post re children specifically.

when you say ‘manage children’, do you mean what you say to them about separating? You mention what he does/doesn’t do, so perhaps do you mean specifically around how to speak to them about his behaviour?

As you are planning on leaving, I would keep very quiet about your plans to anyone, especially the children. This isn’t their responsibility or burden, but they will need to understand as you all head away, and what you are going to.Youcan do it a bit at a time, that you will be spending the summer somewhere else, and have their key things packed.

Safety planning around leaving is essential. The Live-chat on here would be very helpful for this, and in helping the children. Generally, when the children find they are enjoying themselves, and living in peace, they tend to have few other needs! some brief chats initially around safe behaviours generally, and not specifically aimed at their father, but what behaviour is good and what’s unsafe and unacceptable. Being honest is one of them, and not manipulating people, emotional blackmailing to get your own way thinking your needs are more important than others. Also, something that can be a hard one to manage is to know times that it’s important to lie, for your own protection, and keeping others safe.

Do keep posting and get the help you need.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Pineapplepie

You speak very clearly of the wrongs being done, to you, the children and others, because he’s manipulating and can’t talk to you about anything you raise to him as an issue without turning into your fault, and refuses to be in a partnership with you over anything it seems.

It’s a worry too the size of the financial issue that could be keeping you stuck in your situation. I know there are some very good organisations out there to help with that, even if it’s only to start having the conversation about finances, to help you sort through it so you can get a handle on the issues, and what could be done about them for you to extricate yourself if/when needed. It does sound as if these debts stemmed from him initially, and that he is better placed to manage them given his greater financial security. There are links to many organisations under ‘support’ on here, but I know of one Step-change, if I recall correctly. Do try to make some steps to finding outyour options as this will give you information around which to base decisions that you are considering. The same for his behaviour and treatment of you, the more you talk to those who understand it, the better you will feel and the more informed to make decisions.

The pull to stay together for the children is strong, and seems to be a line endlessly handed out by abusers with the guilt attached of ‘breaking up the family’, but sadly that’s already been done by him. He’s already broken it, but the children are scared of change, especially so when their world is fragile for reasons of abuse, but with the abuse gone and separated from the children can start to see life differently, yes, painful to accept their father is abusive, even if they only think it’s to their mother, that is also abusive to them as it tears them apart watching his abuse to her too.

Keep posting and exploring your options with anyone who will listen, so that you can come to some conclusions for you and your children, and to get the support you need.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

I’m sure it’s a publicity stunt, but nevertheless, women promoting their work by staging themselves being pulled along on the floor by the hair!

That does go to show that it’s still acceptable.

[Twisted Sister]

I was just the other day running the lyrics of another through my head which reflect a lot of what women say here and everywhere around abuser tactics, he loves me, loves me not, drops me, picks me up…something along those lines, but at least this one is singing in awareness of what he’s deliberately doing to her, which is the right side of the campaign to open eyes to it, rather than blithely singing along to the type of words abusers use.

[Twisted Sister]

There was a lot more in  your post that could be addressed, but as you see my reply was already perhaps overlong!

He doesn’t place any value on your contribution (to the living space, financially, or effort involved in your work transfer/learning to try to be ‘better’ for him), in fact he does ridicule and laugh at you and it’s concerning that he bought the house for you both??  or maybe for him actually?  Double up on pregnancy protection!

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

Sorry!  I edited and completed my reply, but the post was long and so timed out for posting/editing, so here’s the actual final (I should draft these things before posting them, especially this length of missive!):

Hello SurprisinglySwanky

Your post is a very good description of why these relationships can be so hard to break away from, and the confusions they bring.

Essentially, he has his life as he wants it, his way is the main theme that I can see running through your descriptions. He is not prepared to alter his position, and because you put so much effort in to make life smooth around him, he has no reason to, it’s all working perfectly for him.

Have you considered that there could actually be a lot he could do to accommodate your wishes, something as simple as making himself otherwise occupied when you want to have your friends and family over? He could be out, or involving himself in something upstairs out of the way, where he can be avoding challenges of social anxiety. I wonder at his ‘social anxiety’ though, and whether this is another stick to beat you with, where he simply doesn’t have to make any effort at all, but again you have to make all the effort and fit in around that for his benefit.

I guess you have to imagine what your response would be if things were the other way around, what you would be doing in order to fit in for his benefit as well? What lengths you would go to, would you try to seek help for your issues? Would you try to take some small steps to meet some people in a small way to start the ball rolling, or would you completely shut it down and expect that to be ok? He does see others, just not your others. Lots of people are anxious socially, and it comes easier to some than others meeting friends and family of their partner, but we make the effort to benefit the partnership overall.

He seems generally to be getting his life exactly the way he wants, but you are not, and the fact that he is not prepared to make any shift in his position says everything.

I also cannot not mention his emotional bullying when he’s in a bad mood, and his day hasn’t gone brilliantly, binning the food you prepared for him. No, that might not in itself feel threatening or intimidating, but it speaks to a greater depth of punishment and resentment towards you, which is clearly the reason you are feeling as you are.

On the positive notes that you speak of, I think we can all say that if there weren’t any positives at the outset why would we have ever been attracted to them?! There have to be some positives, and the incessant cycles of pick you up and drop you are highly damaging to your emotional and psychological stability, and will be bound to make you feel naturally wary and untrusting of him, unsure who is going to come through the door at night, and that sets up fear.

Again, writing as you have, does show how complex these situations are to unravel, AND, the further you move along in the relationship the further downhill it will go, as he becomes more contemptuous of you, and less tolerant of your wishes, less drive to pick you up again, less effort to keep you buying into the relationship.

I have sadly heard many women say, ‘he would never hit me or be physcial’, and be shocked to then find themselves in the midst of an escalation that results in physical threat and violence. It’s also possible to be discounting anything other than a literal punch to the face, there’s lot of physical threat and violence that doesn’t register as ‘violence’ necessarily. Pushing, following, pursuing, shoving, grabbing, getting in your face, would be just some examples.

when you spoke of his treatment of you around your dog, I was prepared to accept that if he doesn’t like dogs you can’t assume that he would take part in the care of your dog in any way, i.e. not expecting him to dogsit an animal he never wanted, and doesn’t like. Then you relayed his absolute love of a dog and how he has literally no boundaries around this other dog. His treatment of you is very deliberate and awful. I wouldn’t expect him to take responsibility for a dog he didn’t want, but, that’s a very different matter to being actually cruel in insisting the dog be shut in a room! That’s not ok and will likely distress the dog as well as you, but he has no concerns about that. That speaks volumes of his attitudes towards you.

There are many ways of controlling someone and keeping them ‘inline’, and he’s managing this very well, to maintain his own lifestyle without consideration for yours. He’s not a ‘partner’ in any sense of the word, and you are, more than leading separate lives, being actively managed by him for fear of upsetting him.

The only time he notices anything is when you mention ‘leaving’, even in terms of the potential end result of thinking things through to a conclusion, not actually even saying you are considering leaving, then that to him is, again, all about him, and how you hurt him, despite the convo being you expressing his effect on you.

You have written plenty of food for thought, and I wonder what your reflections would be now?

I am sorry that you find yourself in this position and hope you can find positives in what you are doing to now take back some control of your own life by examining the issues going on now.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

Hi StrongLife

I can completely understand your disappointment, especially as your current situation sounds so desperate at this point and your anxiety naturally so high.

You know what’s what, so presume you’ve done all the things you can to be as safe as possible, including alerting police to heightened risk, securing house well and so on?   Are there friends or family you could go to short-term to be safe with?

It’s a shocking state of affairs that spaces are not available for six months!   They used to become available daily, you had to call day to day to check each morning for availability in various areas.   This doesn’t sound ok, but maybe the number of spaces available has dropped along with funding, IDK.

Is there a current non-mol on him restricting his movements near you?  Perhaps you could apply for an urgent one if not? They can be issued within 24 hours I believe.  You can complete your application and turn up in court with it and request an urgent audience with a judge when one becomes free.

Have you spoken to services about increased risks and been given additional safety advice?  Maybe used the chat line?

Have you made your neighbours aware that you feel under threat and need them to be extra vigilant out in the street and instantly report any sightings of him to you?

Keep posting and keep pushing for further help.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

Its very good to  hear that you are joined with your neighbours in raising this issue and not alone with it.  However, it’s not acceptable, and you are being discriminated against, as you will probably find in your tenancy agreement that there are set limits around specific hours of quiet and noise levels, in regards to noise nuisance.  This means that police can be involved if there is a public nuisance.

You can also escalate this to the social housing ombudsman to review your complaints and lack of action by the housing association.  People have to sleep and have a right to peaceful living too!

Perhaps you and your neighbours can escalate this to the ombudsman about the housing association and the incidents you are experiencing.

I wish you good luck and some peace soon!

warmest wishes

ts

 

[Twisted Sister]

Hello PumpkinSpice1

It’s brave of you to write and hopefully been very helpful for you to speak, and be heard here. The fear you express of him is enough to tell you that what he’s doing is abusive. He will absolutely be able to see what he is doing to you and the horrible effects his behaviour is having on you,then he decides to not show you any remorse for this or make any changes.

I am very sorry to hear that you have suffered other traumas prior to meeting him, but this should give him fair warning to be careful and gentle with you. Many will not understand what it’s like and how difficult it is to deal with the trauma or how to be around someone who is suffering with it, but, it’s his choice to walk away if it’s not for him, but he doesn’t, he verbally beats you and thinks that is absolutely good. Certainly, jokes about your trauma are just cruel,and shows a complete disregard for your feelings. It says that your feelings don’t matter, that his right to tell revolting jokes (that aren’t funny and he knows this), trumps your right to not have to be subjected to them.

We all want someone who cares in our lives, and he’s not showing you this.

I hope you will feel more confident to write about what’s been happening for you, now that you have started this journey in looking more closely at his behaviour and the terrible impact it’s having on you.

Look after yourself first and foremost.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Justwokenup

It would be nice to think that you could just say as things come up for you/him, that you could go to each other and say, oh such and such is happening, and I’d like to go. Couples that are secure with each other and in healthy relationships would potentially raise objections only on the basis that something had already been committed to, or that one or other had raised issues of not spending time enough together and needing to prioritise themselves as a couple. It would certainly be normal to mostly chat with the other about things going on in your social world, especially around calls on your family time.

If, as it sounds, you are experiencing issues every time you give time to others for yourself outside of the family, it will give rise to the feelings you expressed, in trying to work out how to best frame your wish to go to anything without him. Only you will know whether this started happening since you have been with him and his behaviour around it.

When it comes to how you actually do these things and what you say, I think that very much depends on any risky consequences for yourself. You say that you know your options when it comes to leaving him and don’t need input from your friend, and if thisis because you are leaving I would be tempted to be as honest as possible, but cautious around giving too much away, or saying anything that could provoke a nasty reaction. If you are planning on leaving anyway, I would keep your head down for the longer goal of leaving, safely.

Abusers can be very quick to notice a change in attitude and it can bring further escalation of risk to you.

In short though, no, it wouldn’t be normal in a ‘normal’ relationship (whatever that is, every couple has to find their own way of working in a relationship), to have any worries about how or when to have conversations around yours/his social and relationship balance. There’s always times when one or other may be especially touchy about stuff, but you should always feel free to speak freely to a true partner in life.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

Hi EvenSerpentsShine

Thank you for posting all that, it was interesting reading.   So many times have so many said the same thing, that they all use the same familiar tactics, because that’s what works!  It does make you feel there is a manual they are all reading.  I do think, also from having heard the way many men speak to each other, that these tactics are widely spread by men who have this need to control women (and probably hate them).

Also, that’s very interesting, your final comment about the more skilled the manipulator the less need for violence.  This is the ultimate because these men are not ‘wife batterers’, as they see themselves above this, and not abusive, but they are highly abusive, and it’s effects are devastatingly damaging also.

ts

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Incognitohuman

You losing your rag, after loss of sleep and excessively aggravating behaviour on their part, is not you being an abuser. We all have the potential to be ‘abusive’ at moments of high stress, from simply ignorning, being rude to shouting and swearing. However, abuse is a continuing pattern of coercive fear-inducing behaviour designed to force power and control over someone. You don’t sound to be spending your day working out how to scare and control them, even if you could! Their behaviour is triggering you and you are driven to extremes with lack of sleep, etc. to be pushed to the point of retaliating.

I can’t imagine that any victim of abuse hasn’t, at some point, retaliated, sworn back, even been violent either in self-defence, or being caught in the abusive spiral, being deliberately drawn in and goaded by their abuser.

I would be prepared for anything that they have to say to you regarding reacting to how your behaviour is perceived, and yes, be ready to apologise for it, which already does sound as if you are very sorry about, unhappy with and so on. You carry guilt, again, atypical of an abuser. You have regrets, guilt and fear. Try to console yourself that these are not the hallmarks of an abuser, far from it, the opposite indeed.

I am sorry that you are having to be subjected to this and suffering the ill-effects on your sleep and health more widely. I hope that the involvement of this agency will ensure that some order is resumed and that boundaries are drawn for those upstairs causing the distress and choas for others. Perhaps you also have neighours either side that will be witnessing their behaviour that could add to your evidence?

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

Try to remember, no matter how vigilant you are these types always seem to evade most of their awful acts being found out, you only have to look throughout history at all those that have perpetrated without detection, don’t blame yourself for this.

Sorry for all the typos, I tried to edit them out, but the time must’ve run out before I could repost it with the edits in.

I also added, keep looking after yourself and your dear children.  Your love and support will mean everything to them, and everyone knows this is only his fault.

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Alicenotichains

What a terrible shock and the horros your children suffered at his hands. I don’t think there are any words that can ease the pain you clearly feel, or the heal the experiences they have had, but I wanted you to hear what you have written about what you ALL went through, it leaves all of us open to abuse from him, there is often so little that a mum can do to change the course of law/courts/decisions made in the best of interests at the time without the hindsight so much easier to see with once you have it.

In survival mode as you all were dealing with him and just trying to get through each day and geet past it as best you could, you couldn’t do more. Many of us as mums have to live knowing that our little ones suffered horrors at the hands of their monster fathers, and as much as we would all love to be wonderf woman, we’re not, we’re just doing our best every day knowing that we do want the best, but sometimes suffer the worst.

It’s such a big step that your children have made to even have counsellors, to have openedup to them and I hope this helps them come to terms with what he did, and to know you are all together in this latest fight, closer than ever and there fore each other.

I hope you can find a way through this, and you are on the right forum, although I guess this will nedessarily be others out there too, I hope you feel this is a safe place to bring the weight ofthis latest shock.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Jane14

Welcome to the forum and I hope you find it a helpful and supportive place to be and well done for finding your way around enough to make a post.

Can you say a bit more about what it is you are trying to do, when you say ‘join an actual group?’

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

also of note is that some never leave, never left, maybe never had support to, or just never had support of any kind, completely isolated in the abuse.

[Twisted Sister]

Hello RelearningMe

All of that is so bad for you, and your cat. I would remove your cat to a place of safety whilst you decide how to go on with your situation, and perhaps tell him you’ve rehomed it permanently because it was upsetting him so much you couldn’t bear it anymore, which does sound like you say you are feeling. Do you have a friend who would take it in whilst you make decisions about your own safety and future?

It’s very common perpetrator behaviour to use pets (and children) to hurt and make you do as they want. The poor cat isn’t doing anything wrong, just doing what cats do yes, but everyone will discourage cats from clawing their carpets and furniture I would have thought, but you can’t do more than you are doing.  Having a few of those cheap cardboard scratchy boards about the place might encourage scratching in the places you want, as if they have nowhere they can scratch they will have to scratch something to keep their claws healthy.  A harmless water mister sprayed might discourage more when they use anywhere else?

Good luck with your decisions.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

Hello Sad and alone

I would say for me, I stayed for years more than I felt I should have, in hindsight, and the more years the more damage to us. I often wonder if I’d had good support and understanding of what was happening I would have left earlier, a lot, but there’s also levels of vulnerability, exhaustion, finances, and fear of literally not knowing what leaving would be like after, that are mountains to climb.

In short, everyone’s point is different, there are so many weighty factors to take into account, and sometimes it can be one look from him that pushes you over the edge, a violent episode, or a realisation and dawning of your own. It can be sudden or involve lengthy planning. The important factor is that you have come to that point and you are ready to go, there isn’t a right or wrong.  It’s good to have a ‘flight bag’ packed though, in case you do have to suddenly leave, with the essentials, especially if you have children, and it doesn’t have to stay in your home, it could be with a friend or family member, and keep your phone on you at all times in case you need to call for help, perpetrators are very keen to notice any changes in attitudes and behaviours, as we all know, so keep it very much on the low down as you make your plans, if and when.  I wish you all the strength and keep safe.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

Hello ilovekats

I just wanted to say how very brave of you it is to even post here and talk about it!

That can often be the hardest step to take, the very first one.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

hi Pineapplepie

No problem, yes, I see now.

I would take the approach to only do what you feel is safe for them, and for you, don’t forget that you need to be safe also.  If you don’t feel it’s safe for them to be alone with him then arrange contact that you do feel is safe for them, with another trusted party?

You could ask your son why he would be asking you this, repeatedly, but that no, as he can probably tell, things are unhappy for you both sometimes, and you know that makes him unhappy too, but we are the adults and we will have to make life better for everyone, and that you know this must be worrying for him to watch his parents this way and does he have any other questions, and leave the door open for him to always ask whenever he feels unsure about anything.

Yes, wise to keep it to yourself anyway.  The less know the less chance he will find out. He will also potentially feel a change in attitude from you also something to be wary of and plan for, keeping talk normal, talking about the rest of the summer and such, so as to allay possible detection.

warmest wishes

ts

 

[Twisted Sister]

Hi and wanted to agree in support of how incredibly hard it can be to post about complex and difficult to express emotions and situations, and does often take a lot of time to get down.   I know there’s many a time I have written, not even necessarily overly long replies, but it has taken time, which has then lost the reply, which I know I have not then redone, which is a shame, given the value of responses, and posts to those making and receiving them.

Also, to raise the issue of regardless of type of abuse, that it’s not simple.  Physical abuse is not cut and dried or easy to call out either.  I am very glad that you have found that to be so, but it certainly isn’t the case for so many women and children who cannot understand why it’s happening, and have no voice or agency to stand up and make it stop, that live in shock from it.  Generally, it’s not possible to make someone stop, whether thats physical abuse or emotional.

Keep posting your thoughts and look after yourself

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

so true Eggshells, I know the artist but not the tune, but I’ll have a scout about and listen to it as you’ve mentioned it.

I have also wondered even at the word ‘romance’…?   What is it is a slice of love-bombing, ‘wine’ing, and dining’, why, to endear yourself to someone to make ‘romantic’ gestures of flowers and gifts.  The whole process has been historically too led by some fantasy of a man sweeping a woman off her feet, and it’s not flowers that does it, but those things can present a front, and a mask, of a nice-guy, treating ‘a lil lady’ to special things, to make her feel special, instead of just doing stuff together and genuinely enjoying each other’s company as you get to know each other, being spontaneous when the opportunity arises instead of devising ways and means.

more honesty from the outset.

ts

[Twisted Sister]

You need to let go of thinking you have any control in this situation, your use of words such as ‘letting’ [it happen], ‘why can’t I stop it’…’understand it’.

This literally is all about him.   You don’t ‘let’ him do these things, because you are not in control of him, he is in control of you, therefore you cannot ‘stop’ him or control him in any way, and understanding the complexities of abuse is a long journey, and not always one we need or should travel on, just knowing that it’s making you unhappy, empty, frozen, etc., is all you need to know, for you to make your own decisions, when you make your own decisions, it will stop, by you taking control.  As you can’t have one side of him without the other (jekyll/hyde), it means removing yourself from the situation that he brings to you, or getting him removed.

You need to think things through and decide what works best for you, and consider when he behaves a certain way whether you would do that to him, or anyone!  We’d all like for it just to stop, but it’s complex and it doesn’t.

If someone cooked me a dinner that I didn’t want, I would never throw it away!  Would you? Would you and I not be concerned about offending the person that made it for us?  There’s no point in looking for answers from him, you are not talking to someone like you or I, and he will side-step anything that challenges him in any way, or be angry etc.   I would keep food for another meal, or later when I was hungry.  Presumably the food you offer is food you know he has previously eaten and liked, of course.

If it was easy coming to these decisions, women would never stay one minute beyond the first instance of anything toxic, but it’s complex, and can take time to work through, and these are big decisions.

I wish you the best with working it through

warmest wishes

ts

 

[Twisted Sister]

Hello foxsbiscuits

Thank you for your replies today, and I am glad that you have managed to find such meaning in your life and left behind the toxicity to your self-image that the perp instilled in you all that time ago.

It’s great to hear that you have been able to move on with your life and have a better outlook, despite the challenges and sacrifices you’ve had to make.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

you absolutely are worth so much more, regardless of whether you can know and feel that right now.

I am so glad at you feeling sick of his behaviour, that’s a girl, you go!!

Keep at it, and freeze him out of your life completely.  When people we act as friends to, start to treat us as an enemy, by hurting, no matter through what means, it’s time to stop treating them as a friend, end any kindnesses and considerations, just saying no and walking away is enough.

It is ok to stop talking to someone, and it’s ok to break relationships that make you upset in any way, you don’t have to keep trying to make it work, you will still be worthy as a woman, you will still be a decent and good person.  The toughness you target yourself with belongs with the enemy causing the harm.  You can be ok, and accept that they are not ok, their behaviour is not ok, and now you have told him.  I expect he was pretty shook that you put a block in his way!   Go you!

If you need to message him, perhaps write them all down, every time you get the urge just write it down, wait a little then look at it again, convert every urge to reach out to him into writing it down somewhere safe.

I wouldn’t advocate writing it on here, but you can obviously keep writing out how you are feeling and needing to do on here as much as you want.  If you wanted somewhere to send it you can always pm me, and let me know if you want a reply or for me to just read /or not/delete, or if you have another account to send it to, or safe place to write it down.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

I’m glad you feel heard and somewhat validated, yes, that can make a huge difference even without doing anything else.

As for whether you report it, that is all under your control of course, to do if and when you feel ready or not.  I am not sure what statute of limitation may be on stalking, but would be worth knowing. I am pretty sure that lots of historical abuse can be reported, including that reported by adults that was suffered as children.  Might be worth having a look for the stalking limits so that you know if there is a deadline. It doesn’t mean you have to do anything, but you would at least know if that were to expire, it often helps to focus the mind when there’s a deadline for a decision.  It’s important to know that there could well be escalating from any action and be prepared for that also, so you do well to know this for yourself and act in the best way to keep you safe and peaceful!

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

Here you are, this is a link to the page on the .gov website, that has the form to complete (for NMO or Occupation Order), along with separate documents all listed for your supporting statement (that goes with the form), and all the supporting notes to help you complete it.  It’s free afaik

NMO here

Good luck with it all, and well done with all you’ve managed so far.

Ask if you have any further questions.

warmest wishes

ts

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Hazydayz

It’s all free online on the .gov website.  The forms are there, and all the instructions.  I will try find a link for you as CAB can take forever and will likely just refer you on to somewhere else anyway that will have to go through a claim for Legal Aid, etc.

Will post back here with anything I find for you.

warmest wishes

ts

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