Lostinmymind

[Lostinmymind]

I too am not married but have a joint mortgage with my abuser.

My solicitors advice was to contact him (through her – no direct contact is the best way to help keep you on the right track) and say you want to sell.

If he disagrees or refuses to move out, then apply for a court order to both get him out and to sell the house. My abuser didn’t help with the deposit and hasn’t paid a penny towards the mortgage (or any other bills) since we moved in. I’ve been told that this will work in my favour to get more than 50/50.

Talk to a solicitor asap. It’s all confidential and you will feel a lot better getting professional legal advice. I know I did.

Stay strong x

[Lostinmymind]

Thanks iwantmeback

I know I’m going to be honest with her as she gets older.

My mum has only now been honest with me about my dad. He treated my mum the same way but didn’t leave him till I was nearly (Detail removed by Moderator). I know she was trying to do the right thing and not taint my relationship with him, but I feel like j have made the same mistakes and I don’t want this life for my daughter. I want her to be aware so she can recognise the behaviour and be a stronger person.

I will definitely insist on supervised visits at a contact centre. And ask for drugs tests first. J worried that I wouldn’t be clean due to second hand smoke which made me fearful of asking for this in case he said I needed drugs testing too. Luckily it has been long enough now that I shouldn’t have anything in my system.

I just need to learn to let go of the fear and know that he no longer has control over my life.

[Lostinmymind]

Encouragement is what I’m looking for too. I feel like because we have our daughter together I will never be truly free of him.

He has a child with another partner. He doesn’t see the child but still harasses his ex. He told me she was a drug user and a bad mum from a rough family and she had denied him access. I don’t believe a word of that anymore. He already rung up members of my family and told them I’m a drug user which is completely false. He is in fact a cannabis user. All day everyday.

It is this fear that makes me want to just upsticks and leave where he cannot find me. The only thing stopping me is the fear of being done for ‘abducting’ my daughter. Luckily I have realised I still have family left who support me, so I have been able to stay with them for the time being.

I know I have done the right thing in leaving him. But I just need to be strong for the road ahead and know that it will get better x

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