Marionette

[Marionette]

Hi cupofcoffee
Thank you for your reply. It is so good to know there are others out there who I can connect to and know how I feel. I have been in this situation for so long now I barely know who I really am any more. I have learnt to cope by blocking everything out so as to try and put up a wall of defence from all the things he says and calls me. It’s to no advantage for me if I reply in my defence because as soon as I try to stick up for myself or challenge what he’s shouting and saying I just get the verbal battering all the more hurtful and threatening. He swears abuse at me for hours and hours non stop and it is very hard for me to hold my tongue and not say anything in return when you are been verbally destroyed for so long non stop. He will follow me from room to room so there is no escape. I can’t get out of the house because he will delight in taking his abuse outside after me for all to hear and will block me from leaving. I have called for “HELP” and he broke phone. Once I did get “help” but they weren’t much help. He was very nice to them and they said that they couldn’t see any wrong had been subjected just someone who was unhappy in relationship. I’ve never heard the last of that since as all he does now is use that against me. He laughs and says how I get all I deserve and how everyone else agrees with him and it’s my fault that I have done something or other making him unhappy and no one else would put up with what he has to with me. I try so hard to not say anything now but if he’s in a mood for having a go he will then try to make like his been nice. May ask if I would like a cup of tea for example and then if I reply yes please I immediately find big mistake I fell for it. I’ve opened the chain of abuse by letting him in. Full throttle his abuse escalates from there and can last for hours.
So how do I break this chain of events?

[Marionette]

Hi peaceful pig
I’ve been in this relationship over (detail removed by Moderator) now and I have nowhere else to go. I feel my life is passing me by and those things I always thought would come my way are only for fairytale. I see people walking by chatting, smiling, the looks on faces, love in their eyes and how I’d like to have that a little. I have conversations with myself as it’s best not to engage in trivialities because I never know where it will lead. Normal people may be able to talk about their day. What happened, where they’ve been etc. More and more I’ve learnt over time (the hard way) the consequences for asking such questions. It’s only chat after all. But it’s non of my business and he doesn’t have to answer to me and explain his every move. But I wouldn’t be expecting him to. Just making conversation like I would have done with a work colleague when I was working and first saw them after a long weekend say! But any other man wouldn’t put up with all that and after all I don’t own him. He says his mates tell him. They can’t believe that he has to put up with all he does from me and they wouldn’t stand for it from their wives. I must be different to other wives then because I would like to have had a life where we talked to each other and shared each others trivialities, thoughts and feelings and boring stuff. Otherwise what’s the point. He says so many things that remind me how very much alone I am. But I never wanted anything more than to be apart of each others life. How silly and romantic that sounds. He says I need to grow up and shouts and shares at me that I need to pay more attention to him and what’s going on in this house?

[Marionette]

Home, I’m new to this forum and have just been reading about your never ending problems. I’m at the other end of your journey in that I’m still in the marriage and am too weak and lacking in confidence and hope to see a way to get out. I applaud you for making a stand and God knows how you ever got away from that situation in the first place. You must have so much more fight in you then I can find. I don’t believe its ever achievable for me to get out and I don’t know what would be out there for me even if I did. I started writing on here as I have no network of friends or confidante around me and really need to let some of it outside of me. I have no friends and desperately need to be able to connect somewhere so that his opinion on everything is not the only voice I have to Base my self and perspectives on.

[Marionette]

Wow I have just seen I have 2 responses to my thoughts and feelings. I’m holding back tears can’t believe it. Just to know I’ve been able to start to say out loud and know someone has heard and cares enough to take time to reply. Thank you so much for showing that I’m not totally alone.

[Marionette]

I’ve just found your on line question about if it is abuse. My results say what append to me should be classed as domestic abuse. Is that reinforce able thought or just opinion here? I don’t think everyone sees it like that. I now I haven’t said in detail what my life is like but really “tittle tattle who cares” I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and try harder to be a better person and not such a disappointment and waste of space

[Marionette]

But I need to off load somewhere so I’ve ended up finding myself here talking about my life. I don’t want to be judged or sound like I’m doing an “oh poor me” feel sorry for myself. I need to feel I have some respect left. I know I’m such a waste of space. Pathetic really as I here myself now. I don’t think I’m stupid, just weak as I avoid it as I don’t see how things will ever change for me. Suppose we all have a place in life, in the world; and this just happens to be mine so I accept it on the main. Except every now and then I come to thinking “is this really all there is? The best it gets”, but then I might Get a bit of kindness and remind myself to be grateful and so on it goes. I’ve been married many many years now. 3 children who are now all about grown.

[Marionette]

I’m new to this site and just been on here is is very daunting and scary as I’m not good at talking about me and how things are for me every day. I just avoid looking at the reality of what’s going on as it’s just how things are and you have got to get on with the hand your delta in life. But every now and then a little flicker of light out there tells me maybe I could have some of the moments in life other normal people do. But then I have to push that thought to one side and put my head back in the sand and be able to block it out so as to get through another day.

[Marionette]

Hi sunshine
You know when you say listen to the little voice in your head; my intuition! That voice is so frail and faint. That voice of mine has been all but eroded by the bigger, louder repeated reminder that I’m worthless, nobody gives a s… about me. The voice that regularly reminds me that I’m going to die a lonely old woman. That I have no friends, that people only use me for what I might be able to do for them and that I’m an idiot that I don’t see that. That voice is my husband. My long suffering husband who reminds me that no one else would put up with it all. If that voice is the voice you hear it does become true. It must be and so my little voice in my head is fainter with time and so I get it I have to accept the hand your delta in life. What else is there. Hes right I don’t have any friends. I don’t do things like other people might do like go round their houses or socialise with anyone. So where would I go. What would life be like? Better the devil you know some might say. Hes right I would just be a lonely old woman with nothing. At least I have a house to live in. It’s not a home though. I just wish I could have a purpose in life and be able to feel free to smile

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