Nemesis

[Nemesis]

I don’t look like a victim. In fact i didn’t want to accept I was a victim because my husband wasn’t violent. But only now can I see and remember lots of the emotional trauma he put me through. I have become so skilled at hiding my feelings and pretending that nothing was wrong I fooled myself!! Now I get angry when I remember and I can’t believe I allowed it. But I was groomed. The physical symptoms got worse, headaches, back pain, stomach ache, anxiety and panic attacks. I’m out but the recovery is slow. It took me decades to leave though now I see the signs were there from the beginning. Cheated before we were married but I only found out later. Should have left then before children bound me but it’s no good regretting move on

[Nemesis]

I have only just realised after seeking help after (detail removed by moderator) of marriage that I was an abused wife. It came as a shock I didn’t want to believe it. My husband wasn’t violent he didn’t shout or rage, surely all the problems were mine. I was told he was a covert emotional abuser and on looking it up on Google I was astounded he fitted every area. I had excused, hidden, accepted all his abuse. I was stupid, a drama queen, a liar, incompetent, fat, ugly,a poor cook, a bad manager. I believed him. Gradually I accepted more and more and the abuse got worse. It came to a head when the abuse became obvious to others. My sister held my hand and helped me walk away. I was finally able to tell her some of the things he’d said and done. She was horrified. Over the last months memories of things I’ve pushed down have emerged and I’ve seen them for the abuse they were. He hasn’t wanted to let go even though evidence of cheating have surfaced. He hoodwinked my children but recently my daughter caught him out. Karma. I am moving forwards but have fallen when he’s managed to disrupt my life. I’ve blocked email and phones but he still keeps trying. Lots of you ladies have experienced worse than me. In the world ignorance of the toll on the abused is so misunderstood. But I’m working on believing in myself I hope you all are too it’s not easy.

[Nemesis]

I have come late to the realisation that my over (detail removed by moderator) marriage was emotionally abusive. Now I look back and I’m incredulous that I could have accepted guilt for everything that happened. But it starts slowly until you are so beaten down you can’t do anything but accept his view. I learnt to shield my children from the knowledge of what their father was like. So when I finally separated they believed their fathers picture of me which I had done nothing to alter. But Karma although slow finally catches up. My daughter caught my husband talking to the mistress he had been seeing for over (detail removed by moderator). He had denied she existed and convinced my daughter I was imagining things and was nuts . The scales fell from her eyes in a second. Your children will eventually realise what he’s like and until then reach out to them on a different level. Glue on a smile they don’t want a misery and try to give them a great time. Cry afterwards. Create a new picture for them plan it and practice. It will raise doubts in their minds which will one day pay off. Cut contact with him go through a third party for arrangements. I’ve blocked 3 email addresses and 2 phones. These abusers want their cake and eat it. Don’t give him control. He will get frustrated and give himself away. Good luck.

[Nemesis]

Thank you Iwantmeback it is a relief to have someone to tell. I feel guilty and ashamed. I hear women talk about how can women stay when they are being abused its ridiculous. I say nothing. Only once did I answer back and say they shouldn’t say that lots of abuse is hidden and they could be making people feel worse about their situation. They were shocked. They didn’t realise I meant me. I hope you can find someone to help you leave. It’s a hard road even when you’ve left because there is so much damage to deal with. But you aren’t frightened and walking on eggshells anymore. You don’t feel constantly anxious and have to screw your courage up to walk into a room. You feel alone because few can understand what has happened to you but you were alone before and the few good times you had were paid for later. Make a plan. Start saving. I got a secret bank account. He found out after I left and was furious. Too late!! But finance is a big control so work out that before you leave. Good luck.

[Author]

Posts