Nev@Und@Estim8

[Nev@Und@Estim8]

Hi hun, do you know what? I just read the words of a lioness. You recognise abuse and you are clearly very strong even though you may not feel it. Don’t doubt yourself. I know you are driven by your daughter but don’t forget you xx

[Nev@Und@Estim8]

You are most certainly NOT a domestic abuser. His behaviour on the other hand is very typical of a narcissist. If you look up all the typical behaviour of an abuser you will recognise the behaviour you are describing and probably a big list of other things. What you are describing is him pushing your boundaries to see what he can get away with. Unfortunately it’s a case of ‘give them an inch and they take a mile’.

I know it’s hard when you are tangled in their web to the extent you start questioning who you are. I can’t recall where I read it, probably on this forum but someone had asked if everyone agreed the behaviour of an abuser can be the same as a small child I.e tantrums and trying different manipulative tactics to get their own way. The difference being kids aren’t sinister and don’t want to hurt you. I managed to escape once I realised he did sound like a child as I started to see the behaviour as pathetic.

Really and truly, it’s not you it’s him. Getting safely out is the key and as much as I like the phrase ‘time heals all wounds’, I’m a believer in karma in that ‘time wounds all heels’ as well,

[Nev@Und@Estim8]

Hi there beautiful. Such awful trauma to have gone through and the after affects are terrible. My hearts with you.

I am now (removed by moderator) years free from my abuser and was curled up in a ball in bed staring at the wall with PTSD solidly for 8 months. I had strange behavioural habits that lingered for a while. I would shout at people for even making me a cup of tea because it felt like I was being controlled. With time you will start to find yourself again.

We have to recognise that we have negatively conditioned by repetitive controlling behaviour. Personally I felt like if my abuser was an object he would be one of those sewing stitch un-pickers. Unpicking the fabric of the put together well adjusted happy person I was bit by bit. Surviving and moving forward is about having to sew yourself back together again.

I’m a big believer in positive affirmations as a means to re-brain washing yourself positively. The opposite of what they did to us. It’s not an overnight thing because neither was unstitching you. If you aren’t familiar with positive affirmations it’s simply “food is really good for me and I enjoy eating” ”I’m happy eating foods that are good for me and fill me with positive energy” “I’m free and can eat what I like, whenever I like”, Affirmations should always be “I’m happy eating food…” not “I want to be able to be happy to eat food”. Write a big list down, put them somewhere to read at least 3 times a day and especially before shopping. Your brain is just a big computer where a dodgy programmer took control of the keyboard. affirmations are just you re-programming the negative input to override it. Your eating habits can also be born of depression so talking to your GP is important.

I have been told that rapid eye movement therapy is really effective for trauma and PTSD so it might be worth looking into. Also EFT is low cost and effective and Reiki is great if you need to feel more at peace with yourself and need help with worry.

You keep moving forward lady. You’re a warrior!

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