Next steps

[Next steps]

I have so much empathy for you. Quite a few similarities between what your partner wanted resonate with the things my ex would push for. And if it didn’t go as he wanted I felt cheap, pathetic, angry, frustrated…and many more emotions….I could give you 10 years of experiences of trying to deal with this, not doing what he wanted, arguing over it, being put down, insulted and built back up…to be kicked back down soon after. I left over 12 months ago now. Physiologically I was almost instantly better in many ways, psychologically I have joined this group to try and start working through that as I know I am not in the right place, there’s still emotional control even though I am not with him…so challenging to work through.

[Next steps]

I have asked myself this question because I can see that I was being different which I’d describe as a defence mechanism, an irrational response because rational response have no bearing or impact. I didn’t have children involved, at least not my own, my ex had 2 children and I disagreed hugely with how he would react to things relating to them. Deep down I know that his behaviour was the cause of so many relationships breaking down (ours and his with the kids) but I do at times question this. It’s been a relief for me to get out of that relationship it was emotionally and physically affecting me. The day I parted was huge relief, I am still dealing with the psychological impact, but my anxiety levels have almost disappeared…until I hear from him which although is less frequent, when it happens I instantly become scared, anxious and have a feeling of not being able to be free. After the (detail removed by moderator) year s I spent with this person and looking at the relationship between him, his children and his children’s mum, I can see the emotionally impact and control through his behaviour he has had on all of them. Relationships that are unbalanced can become toxic, particularly in my case, I knew what was happening wasn’t right but I stayed quiet or made excuses to keep the peace but it had massive affects on how I was with him until I reached breaking point because obviously he didn’t like me putting that distance in.

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