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It is so sad being in love with someone and you cannot be with them.

I left two days ago and I’m beside myself.

I have new number and am staying in the country side so he cannot find me but I just want to go home.

His tactics are different this time.. I left a note telling him to not contact me or try to find me and he hasn’t so far. But it has me questioning why he hasn’t. Is he planning something or does he already know where I am. What he’s done to my head is made me absolutely insane.

Like it was said earlier on this you start thinking if you’ve over exaggerated, is it really that bad, I can handle the manipulation and the control if he was just the nice, perfect version of him all the time. I’m sure it would be manageable then but he cannot even do that for longer than two days.

People do not get it. They think you’re happy your out and it’s a weight of your shoulders, expecting you to sleep well at night but it’s the complete opposite.

It’s so hard knowing that usually I’d be going home for a Chinese tonight, a long lay in on Saturday until midday waking up to breakfast to then veg out on the sofa all day watching our box sets. Instead I have no idea what I am going to do. I have a selection of clothes that I managed to grab and no home comforts. I know it wasn’t a happy home but at least I had my own things there.

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Thank you Lightness. So you are out now? How did you do it?

Today I found out he has/had my whats app on his laptop and phone so he could see everything. He’s even gone to the extent of deleting messages from my friends and even blocked them. I had no idea, just thought they were not replying to me.

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Thank you both for replying.

What I’m struggling with is how to leave when he is being nice and remembering the bad he does.

He can be awful for weeks on end and I’m too scared to leave because I don’t want to hurt him then one day will happen when he goes back to being the perfect boyfriend I fell in love with and I doubt I’m making the right choice. And what excuse do I give him to leave.

I’ve always been a very independent person but he’s made my feelings and mood completely dependable on him. He knows this.

I have the contacts for my local WA thanks to Lisa and I have an extended family member trying to help me get out. I feel like I have all the tools but I just can’t make the step to do it.

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