Oveewhelmed

[Oveewhelmed]

Hello Gran
I was drawn to the title of your post and would like to send love and compassionate thoughts. I would send some wisdom and advice but Id struggle to. This is partly because I’m still learning from these kind and brave forum members and partly because my sibling bully has rendered me unworthy of any sense of value or personal self-worth but this is your time and space so I’ll hold back on my whingeful words. Love and strength to you.

To all – I’m in awe of your poetry. Sending love.

[Oveewhelmed]

Hi again starqueen.
My mum has had debilitating OCD for many years. OCD is borne from Anxiety and she didn’t have the handwashing or checking version, it was the “something bad will happen to someone” version. It is always to us and not to herself, these “bad” events would happen to. It would be so hard at times as you can’t really talk someone out of OCD, Anxiety has a lot t answer for doesn’t it. I only really experienced true anxiety after bereavement. Take care and keep going.

[Oveewhelmed]

Thank you to Lottie blue and StarQueen for dropping by to post again. I really appreciate it. I’m terrified today. I’m terrified for me and for my mum. My mum has survived many illnesses and I can tell she’s fading. I can’t write a lot in case I go over to specific detail and it gets removed but suffice to say my brother is a 1970’s abusive husband in a modern day body. Obviously he’s not my Husband. That’s in a way what makes it feel more difficult to explain this to other people. Also what scares me is that when you let your guard down and have a normal conversation, things seem bearable. But then like a puppy, they turn and bite. And the lower the guard has been, the more vicious the bite seems. I’ve taken a stance over the financial abuse and I’ve not won the war but I’ve held my own. So now I’m scared, in a mess and frightened but I’m going to make contact with someone to talk.
Hope you are both ok Lottie blue and StarQueen.

[Oveewhelmed]

DESPERATE PETRIFIED AND THERE IS NO SOLUTION.

Thanks again to previous readers and replies.

I’m so desperate right now. Mum with Alzheimers has had a broken (detail removed by moderator) and has had surgery and because of COVID my Sister can’t visit and help me.so I’m already struggling.

I’m alone with Mum, and my obnoxious brother. He has dramatically stepped up his campaign of terror against me and I’ve begged him to consider a truce so Mum can have some tranquility and peace at this stage in her life. He threw it back at me and is now verbally abusive to my Mum which is upsetting to witness. Why would anyone make an elderly parent feel bad when they are carrying their own heavy-weight of worries. Why can’t he be content with hurting me, instead of Mum? I’d take it, as long as he spared her. He is so full of hatred towards me and I can’t tell no-one in case they make my Mum go in a hone, which would end her. The hatred is etched on my brothers face and it terrifies me, yet to outsiders he puts this face on. – how do people do that?. Just scared of everything right now.

Thank you for having read this. It may be disjointed as I am struggling with a tiny screen and auto-correct is on overdrive.

[Oveewhelmed]

Hello IWMB
Thanks for your insightful reply and and advice.
I appreciate it.
No, we don’t have carer’s for mum as she won’t allow it.
Mum having Alzheimer’s adds a whole different facet to things. It’s common for sufferer’s to take against the person they spend most time with whilst lavishing kindness onto other siblings. This plays a huge part in my brother “bullying” me. I feel guilty really to be on a “Survivors” forum to be honest, because I don’t think I can come back from this. I understand I need to think what to do because I can’t keep self-harming as a coping mechanism.
Take care.

[Oveewhelmed]

Hello Braelynn, from one new member to another.

[Oveewhelmed]

The saddest part of all this is that it’s another “loss”. Because there is no coming back from it. How do normal families turn “bad”.

[Oveewhelmed]

Hello Tend – I hope you are keeping afloat and things are as OK as they can be. Regards.

[Oveewhelmed]

Thanks starqueen. Hope you are well. I understand completely what you mean. Thanks again and take care.

[Oveewhelmed]

Hi Lottie. How are doing? Thanks for the concern. Yes you were very right about the temporary lull. I did actually manage to get in touch with someone via email to talk about it with. It’ll takes few days to get a response. It’s the service from this site. Feel guilty for doing it but I suppose that “goes with the territory” as they say. Keep going Lottie.

[Oveewhelmed]

Thanks again IWMB. Yes Mum has DN’s in. Maybe I could start by saying how depressed Mum is and elaborate from there. I think I’ll start keeping a journal as a previous poster suggested. I have kept one in the past and recorded what atrocious behaviour my (removed by moderator) was displaying even then. This was years ago so I’m not surprised things have reached this stage but you just don’t join the dots at the time I think. Keep going and take care.

[Oveewhelmed]

Hello StarQueen. What a serene username. I like that. Thanks for replying and telling me about your story. Its really encouraging to read that you’ve found a calm place.i can understand what you mean as just a few days ago I self-harmed yet again. I’d never have the strength to go further, I’d be purely too scared for that, but I just needed to release the pressure and I know I’ll do it again. The worst thing is, my (removed by moderator) called me a “bully” and now I think maybe it has been me all the time. Im glad you got back from the brink – take care.

[Oveewhelmed]

Hello Lottie blue. Thanks for your reply, it’s appreciated. It’s just so scary taking the first step. It feels like opening a can of worms that you’ll know you’ll never be able to put the lid back on again. I never thought this would happen to me, as I’m sure no one on this forum thought either. It’s hard as well because although Mum is quite badly affected by (removed by moderator), she has “capacity”. I feel she wouldn’t want to speak up. Thanks again Lottie blue.

[Oveewhelmed]

Hello Kip. I hope I’m replying to the right poster in the right place. I’m useless with some of these web forums. You say that my (removed by moderator) “see’s no wrong.” And therein lies the problem. You have hit the nail on the head. My (removed by moderator) also is financially abusing my Mum and I as well but that’s secondary to the emotional aspect. I’m concentrating on as little interaction as possible but this too is causing anxiety. It’s a delicate situation that can just explode. Its taking every bit of energy I have. Thank for replying, it’s appreciated.

[Oveewhelmed]

Thanks for your really insightful reply “wants to help”. It’s appreciated and yes, it all really does sound very scary. I’ve been thinking of that saying “rabbit in the headlights” and that’s exactly how I feel right now. In an ideal situation my brother would call a truce, or at least do whatever he felt justifiable to me out of earshot. I’ve begged and pleaded but to no avail. I could ring domestic violence in my area but I’m thinking the information will get linked to my surgery record via another NHS service I currently use. I am desperately trying to come to terms with what’s happening. Thanks again for replying.

[Oveewhelmed]

Thank you very much IWMB. I hadn’t logged on again or I would have thanked you earlier. Things have moved on since then sadly. Kindest regards and warm wishes to you.

[Oveewhelmed]

Thank you Kip, kindest wishes to you.

[Oveewhelmed]

Thank you Kip for replying. It’s really appreciated. Is it normal for people who are abusive to think and say that it’s the abused that’s the bully and the one at fault? Do they say it’s another’s fault because they genuinely believe it to be so or is it just conscious nastiness that they say it? I don’t know which it is. When I voice my concerns and opinions to him about what he’s doing you can tell he thinks his behaviour is beyond reproach. His friends and acquaintances thinks he’s wonderful. I’ve asked him to shout at me as much as he wants if he has to, but not at or in front of our Mum that’s so poorly. Sadly to no avail and she’s been on the receiving end as well. Obviously, he isn’t physically violent with Mum. He does however use guilt very often, which is one of the most soul-destroying and corrosive emotions you could make another feel. I wonder if heredity plays a part. You can tell with hindsight that Mum has been here before. Goodness me I’m sorry for going on. I’m just asking all these questions in my mind so I hope no one feels obliged to answer. Thanks for reading.

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