Patricia

[Patricia]

If your child is crying and begging not to go with their father, listen to your child and your gut. Chances are your ex will say the child is fine the minute you are out of sight. They said we were ‘fine’ through abuse…. I accepted his version of the tears for a year but no more.no way. Kids don’t scream and beg to stay with mum for no reason. I know that now xx

[Patricia]

I worked for a very supportive company and loved my job, it was my escapism. However I did take the meagre vol redundancy package as I couldn’t juggle all the balls in the air any longer. Finances are tough now but I get to be a mum and I have a long legal battle in front of me and no idea how it will turn out. You know what though…. the girl I was with the good job who hid years of her husbands abuse is gone now. There’s a stronger woman in her place, a better mother. I got him out of our home regardless of the huge financial consequences and of that I am proud. Whatever your boss has to say in your meeting can’t hurt you anymore than you are already hurting. If you manage to hold on to your job .. great. If you don’t it’s not the end for you… it’s a new beginning. I know what you are feeling and I’ve been there recently.. I’m still standing.. just about! I manage the school run, I cook dinner and I shower daily… a job in itself. You will be ok I promise x

[Patricia]

I’ve needed woman’s aid help on the phone more at night and in the wee small hours as that’s when the house is quiet and my thoughts and fears take hold. They always answer and always help, I apologise every time for taking up their time and they always say it ok and check that I am safe. Sometimes a good cry to a stranger helps get you to sleep so you can handle tomorrow. It took me YEARS to call them and I only asked for one to one support over a year after I managed to get my husband to leave our home. They help you see your situation more clearly and practically and they don’t judge. It’s ok, take your time.. if I am here writing this post there is hope for us all with help

[Patricia]

Never underestimate the physical pain caused by years of mental abuse. I’m on week 2 of a pain management course for (detail removed by moderator) and today I cried silent tears in a group of 8 people with chronic pain. Don’t leave it too late to get out if you can possibly find the strength to. The long term physical effects of staying in an abusive marriage or relationship last a lifetime.The sooner you can escape him the better your chances of physical recovery.Try to do as I say not as I did. I rehearsed my ‘ leaving you’ speech for so long only to be shut up by him on the first sentence each and every time. They don’t care about your dignified attempt at an amicable split. Don’t waste precious energy trying anymore. He decides when it’s leaving time not you, and by then your body is broken. Look after YOU and your babies xx

[Patricia]

Thank you Lisa, I only contacted woman’s aid two years after I managed to get my husband to leave. I’ve had a floating support worker for 3 months now and don’t want to think where I would have ended up without her. I had no clue that a man who is intent on breaking you can continue to do so after he’s left. It’s beyond belief that he can take a woman who has a decent career/income,good support network of friends and family and leave her isolated, applying for benefits, no job, no energy for the childcare we planned to give. However, all is not lost…. when u snuggle up beside your little one and listen to their peaceful sleep knowing that there will be no key turning in the door to make you freeze with anxiety and there is milk in the fridge for cereal and coffee to get through the school run.. it’s going to be ok for another day. Just get trough the morning then the afternoon, sleep for an hour if you can in the day as sleep heals. Forget the long term plans for now… baby steps.

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