pebble1

[pebble1]

Thank you KIP and Beautifulday for your responses, wanted to post sooner but have been a bit of a mess in as much as the anxiety had flared and I don’t know if anyone else gets this but a sort of feeling like you can’t do anything? Everything is a huge effort and I seem to just go from one cup of tea to the next not being able to see the bigger picture? It’s making work hard. Still, I finally told schools that address different, and thank goodness I told them that child would be upset, they basically sorted it without me having to go there with ex. Predictably child was v.upset at what had happened. Overall what’s upsetting me at the moment is the asking for photos, saying he loves us etc. Have to be in contact cos of sorting out financial stuff, which he’s doing, but he seems to think everyone’s feelings are unaffected by what he’s done?!

[pebble1]

Thank you KIP for your quick response, it’s so good to know there is a listening ear! Yes, I feel it is definitely crossing my boundaries and made me feel all over again how he used to make me feel on a daily basis. I don’t understand, it doesn’t seem intentionally done to upset me, I think he thinks it’ll be a good marketing thing. BUT he doesn’t think about any of the consequences, or how I might feel, or how the kids feel. Or that we feel anything at all. He doesn’t ever acknowledge that what he’s done hurts people. He has his own narrative.

[pebble1]

I think this has happened to me, what you said makes so much sense diymum@1 about distributing stress. Not sure how much detail can go into on here but someone known to us both, basically brought her into our family, began pushing boundaries again & again.

There were weird comments, how she thinks he’s so smart, how she doesn’t want kids because she doesn’t want to end up like me because apparently according to her, my life is over. He was always at work, never at home. One of our kids was really ill during this time. Then over the last year the shouting escalated, and strange comments that only made sense if they were in a relationship, then when I’d question he’d backtrack. Quite a long time ago now he said ‘xx says she’ll never hurt you’ and I said what does that mean?

He also said multiple times in rows that he wanted a divorce, till I told him over the phone when he was away that I wanted a separation, one of the main points apart from the shouting was that I couldn’t deal with their relationship, that it was too close. Then he confessed that they’d been having an affair. Why did he try to convince me all this time they weren’t, I don’t understand any of it.

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