RedGiraffe

[RedGiraffe]

Book is called ‘living with the dominator’ for those not aware of the book and it’s been a helpful and insightful read.

[RedGiraffe]

How do you get a Claire’s law on someone? Is it only people who have been reported to police? For example I never reported my abuser to the police therefore does that mean there’s nothing I can do to stop it happening to another poor unsuspecting woman?

Sorry if that doesn’t make sense or sounds silly… I don’t really know the process but I don’t like the idea of a Claire’s law coming back their clean because I didn’t disclose or report to police

[RedGiraffe]

Hi, I’ve just gotten out of a situation very much like yours! I ended the relationship and he stayed on my sofa for a while (a lot longer than I had anticipated).
I opened up to my GP who then referred me to a support worker (who has been amazing emotional support for me). I took a bag of things (docs, clothes, children’s things) to a safe place so I had a quick exit should I need it – I would suggest this as leaving the relationship is the most dangerous time for us!
I then gave him a deadline! As this date neared I could see he still wasn’t going anywhere so I started looking at my options to leave and found somewhere to private rent – he realised this and moved himself a few days later, therefore I have kept my house. I’m not saying all situations go through quite like this and Altho it took longer than I wanted it also went more smoothly than I expected!

We’ve also kept things friendly so the sake of children – this has shown sometimes difficult as it does allow access back into my head, but I’m stronger now and I know the signs and I’d like to think I wouldn’t fall for it again, but it’s still early days!

I wish you all the best, I just wanted to comment my situation as it was very much like yours x

[RedGiraffe]

This is amazing news! Enjoy the freedom and enjoy your future!

[RedGiraffe]

I’m in the same situation! He’s trying to win me back, trying to tell me he’s changed, he’s friendly now, he interacts with the children, goes out of his way to help me… but every now and again he will say something or do something and as you said the mask slips!

I too feel more relaxed – habits I did out of comfort have stopped or declined! I feel I can do what I want, dress how I want, speak to who I want, even clean when I want!

I’m glad this thread helped you too… guilt has been extreme, especially when I was planning forever!

[RedGiraffe]

Thank you!

It’s still early days for me and I know I’ve made the right choice – I can feel it! I’m less stressed, less worried, I’m not freezing or jumping as much, bad habits I used as comfort have declined, I’m more me!
But I too am suffering with the aftermath! Some days are harder than others, but I’ll get there!

Wishing you all the best!

[RedGiraffe]

This is where I was when I had to end the relationship, he’s wanting to try again and saying he’s changed (he hasn’t, not enough time has passed for him to even notice everything he did never mind sort through it and work on himself). I tried everything I could, which is why I asked about this thinking was there something I didn’t try. But I don’t want to try anymore I just want someone to love me properly!

[RedGiraffe]

Wishing you all the best for going ahead and the future! This forum has really helped me too!

[RedGiraffe]

🙁 it really does sound like even mentioning there is a programme would be a waste of time! I’ve left him but I guess I was still looking for some hope – I’ve been getting the whole want to get back together already and tbh I’ve not been swayed as I know I want the good parts (the parts that weren’t really real, the parts I envisioned for the future).

I haven’t heard of the freedom forever programme… I will have to take a look thank you. I haven’t completed the freedom programme only read the book so far.

[RedGiraffe]

I’ll make a note of this book! Maybe in time I will be ready to read it!

[RedGiraffe]

Mine also went to the doctors who gave him anti depressents and apparently after he explained our sitaution and the pending relationship breakdown the doctor replied “it’s no wonder your acting this way”, I was shocked! Surely a doctor shouldn’t be defending abusive behaviour – of course he probably made it sound less than it was and me more crazy!

[RedGiraffe]

Thank you, I’ve already left him but it’s something I had heard of and wondered if it could ‘help him’ but I guess that’s not my responsibility anymore… I think I’ve been holding onto a small possibility of change still! 🙁 why is it so hard!

[RedGiraffe]

Thank you so much! It’s so nice to hear from someone who shares the same interests! My area aren’t hosting any open ones that I know of but I will keep checking!
Mine would come with me but didn’t enjoy the experience like I do but things like the cinema it wasn’t allowed to be a movie I wanted to watch unless it was of mutual interest … im looking forward to seeing a lot more films.

[RedGiraffe]

Thank you for this! I think I just let him back into my head and I need to keep strong and keep going! It’s going to take some time, I just wish things were more simple! And we could all have that fairytale ending!

[RedGiraffe]

Thank you x

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