Rosy

[Rosy]

my sister, who had promised to help me if I left, seemed to be doing many similar things to my husband. I got worse over a few months until I couldn’t keep denying it was happening. She was basically trying to control everything I said, thought or when I ate. She pretended not to understand anything about any of my physical health conditions, which make my life very limited and difficult. I discussed it often with a councellor but every strategy they suggested, was exhausting and impossible to implement as she was adept at manipulating every situation and I was too traumatised from the years of my husbands abuse and too ill to spend every minute trying to stand up to her and stop the manipulation, when she was supposed to be supporting me. She’d even been ringing the rest of my family saying I didn’t want them to ring or visit me. I cut all contact with her on the advice of the WA helpline and though it’s been very hard with virtually no other contact from family, including my own daughters, I have gradually been able to realize how awfully she was behaving and how much better I feel not having to deal with it. She tried to get in touch last week, after 5 months, knowing that I’ve been struggling with basic things, acting as though nothing happened, as though she’d not let me down terribly and was continuing to. I will never understand or be able to forgive what she’s done.

[Rosy]

HI, I’m really sad to read some of your posts. I’ve struggled with my health for a few years, having looked after my husband for many years. He would never let me rest or get any peace, proper medical care or help. He neglected me completely, caused rows every day and kept telling me there was either nothing wrong with me or that I was crazy/mad etc. I always tired to manage and hide how ill I was but I became increasingly isolated and spent about 3 years living mostly in one room. He was extremely controlling, demanding, cruel and neglectful, with almost hourly gass-lighting. The financial and emotional control were awful. I had contact with many agencies who I asked to help but they either used the fact that I was housebound, due to physical health issues, as an excuse saying it was to risky for them or signposted me constantly when I had little energy to keep ringing people. I was often told what other agencies/people should be doing to help but just couldn’t get anyone to do much at all. I finally left, while very ill having frustratingly minimal support from an idva and an outreach worker; both of whom would not or could not help in any way once I had left. (though had made many promises of what help was available) I went through phases of trying to manage and cope mostly alone, then try to reach out and ask for help. I feel extremely let down by just about everyone in my life, after trying desperately to sort pretty much everything myself while physically unable to do much at all. I was hoping that being away from him would give me some chance to recover and have worked at that but I’ve been exhausted battling with my own solicitor who just will not take the action I need her to within a deadline. I thought I had been very strong, determined and assertive but after 5-6 weeks of chasing her relentlessly, she still has not done what I’ve asked, which will have long term financial implications for me. I have till Tuesday to get her to and have no idea how to make sure she does. I have rung Rights of women helpline, the legal aide helpline and her senior partner twice, in desperation. I have had many assurances but no action. I cant talk to anyone about it or get advice. I’ve even tried to arrange an advocate but no-one seems to know how to. The stress of this and feeling so abandoned by family and friends, has made me very ill and I’m struggling to keep going most of the time. Any advice would be great?

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