Speechlessmum

[Speechlessmum]

You are not alone in feeling stuck. I think that is one of the reasons victims stay – they can’t see a way out.
I’m not saying it will be easy but by seeking help and advice you will find a way out of your nightmare. You deserve to be happy, we sometimes have to fight for it!

[Speechlessmum]

Thank you, ladies. Lots of great ideas for me to try. I used to do yoga so might start that again. I’ve been recommended the ‘healing from hidden abuse’ books few times so will take a look at that.

[Speechlessmum]

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. I know that grief is for those who are left behind and he doesn’t benefit from what people say about him now, but I’ve heard people describing him as such a wonderful person, and it makes me scream inside.

[Speechlessmum]

Ha, no revenge for me but I would just want to let go of the anger. It eats me up.

[Speechlessmum]

Thank you. I’ll try and find it.

[Speechlessmum]

I keep reading about how I should forgive him so that I can heal. I don’t know how to do that.

[Speechlessmum]

Thank you. So many emotions. Today I just feel so angry at the waste of life – that his child has lost a father, that he never sought the help he needed (I tried for so long to reach him!)
Ultimately I had to put the happiness and welfare of my children and myself first and leave. He made that so hard. I tried to make us as invisible as possible.
He tried to make contact (detail removed by moderator) but ignored and blocked.
I often wondered if someone else was going through what I did with him, his previous partner certainly did but he blamed her and it was only later that it made sense.
I just wish I could erase all the memories, both good & bad.

[Speechlessmum]

So found out today that his funeral took place yesterday.
Spoke to my partner about how it had raked up a lot of old memories and emotions.
I still feel quite numb.

[Speechlessmum]

Hi Whoopsie,
Thank you for your reply. You have had to deal with so much!
I am lucky as I didnt have children with my abuser so there were no ties left once we had sold the house.
I have been contacted by mutual friends wanting to create a memory book for his family, but have removed myself. It still hurts that people do not see him as I saw him.
Like someone else said, please do not apologise for venting.

[Speechlessmum]

You story is so like my own, I could’ve written it. It took me a long time to accep (and still working on it) but this isn’t a healthy, loving relationship. Someone who cares about you doesn’t verbally abuse, threaten or demean their partner.
Please believe in who you are and how strong you are and find a way to remove yourself from this situation safely.
It took a long time for me to accept that my partner was abusive, I made excuses for him and blamed myself. I got to the point where I thought I was going mad. Eventually I started keeping a diary and it was reading back through it that made me realise I hadn’t caused it and helped me see I wasn’t losing it.
This isn’t love.

[Speechlessmum]

Thank you

[Speechlessmum]

Thank you. I had thought about the letter idea so maybe something for the future.

[Author]

Posts