Stargirl

[Stargirl]

Thank you so much for your advice.

I have, since posting, found a secret email account with countless explicit messages to other girls, as well as a second phone. He has said this is my fault for ‘snooping’ and ‘smothering him’ so he feels he has to keep secrets from me as I don’t let him live my life. He also says I’m ‘not sexy’ and his behaviour is what all men do.

I know I have to leave but he ensures that I pay most of my disposable income each month to him so I have very little left now. He also sold my car and although I have use of a car, it’s not in my name or insured by me.

Tried women’s aid but couldn’t get through. Feeling a bit exhausted with all the lies and revelations and just want a better life somehow.

[Stargirl]

Hi, thanks so much for your reply. It is so hard and so confusing to be so full of hate and anger but also still feeling like I care about him. Your situation now seems really positive and I don’t know how you’ve been so strong. He has previously put his hands around my throat saying ‘shut up or I’ll shut you up’ and he cheats and lies all the time (but obviously it’s my fault because I push him away and am ‘too clingy’) All of his friends think he’s great though and think I’m so lucky x

[Stargirl]

Thank you for your replies. It’s really good to have some advice; it feels unbelievably lonely in this situation. It’s been pretty gradual I think. At the start he was telling me how he’d never met anyone like me and how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and how I’d changed him into someone that wanted to show affection (which apparently hadn’t been the case before). Now he refuses to hold my hand and tells me he’ll never be that person (“if you don’t like it you can leave”). He tells me he hates my parents and when he sees them he doesn’t speak to them at all. I have caught him cheating (just a kiss to my knowledge) and when I raise my concerns about text messages on his phone to girls (with explicit content) he tells me I’m crazy and it’s just ‘banter’. Again, I’m told to shut up and, when he put his hands around my neck, he was drunk and said he would ‘shut me up’. I broke down in tears and said it was all my fault and then I got the silent treatment.

I’m not (removed by moderator)  and have a good job and great education yet I’ve never felt so much like I’ve lost control of my life. I’ve never felt so hideous or repellent as I do now and this is exacerbated by comments about how I need to ‘look more like so and so’. I know objectively that this is not right but I keep thinking that it’s my fault and it’s not really that bad…

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