Starry

[Starry]

Your situation is almost identical to mine 🙁
I split with my ex in (detail removed) and he is still living in the family home, refusing to go, as we jointly own the house. I’m done with him but can’t move on and am still tied to him while he Carries on with emotional abuse, your right when you say it’s exhausting!
I’ve been to many different professionals all who have different advice it is so confusing. I too was about to leave and just about to pay a holding deposit when I spoke to a solicitor who advised me against leaving as mortgage would not be paid, I’d lose house and be blacklisted so I bottled out.
I’ve downloaded the occupation order to fill out but that’s not easy to do either and fills me with anxiety.. especially when he gets the order and hes still here.
I hope we can both find solutions x

[Starry]

Really good question! My first red flag was when I first met him, out with best mate and her boyfriend, think they were trying to set us up.. as we were leaving the nightclub he was angry for some unknown reason and threatening strangers, saying he just wants to punch someone! I talked to him and tried to calm him down, and next day he was all sorry etc. I was so young and naive!

[Starry]

It’s so ridiculous! Btw when I began working and needed the car for work he hated me working and it would cause a lot of stress, he banned me from working evenings. As soon as I had scraped enough money together I bought my own car. The ‘family’ car is still sitting unused on the road outside our house, He won’t sell it but is having to pay tax and insurance cos I cancelled it. (I paid to run the car). I think he is just leaving it there so no one else can park there 🙄

[Starry]

Oh yes! An accumulation of many things – one big thing of his is the car – we have one family car which is parked on the road outside our house, he is obsessed with keeping it in the same spot, even tho it’s a public highway and anyone can park there. He didn’t like me going anywhere in the evenings, including taking the children to activities etc in case we lost this space. He wouldn’t tell me not to go but if I did and that space was occupied on return he’d have a major strop and it would be my fault for using the car, and it made me wary of using it. He installed cctv and would sit for hours watching someone else’s car. He would put letters through neighbors doors, I found this out when I found a reply posted back through our door. Car keys would regularly go missing and he would blame youngest child…

[Starry]

Your husband and my partner are so alike, using the same tactics! I get the ‘feel sorry for me’ treatment and when that doesn’t work he uses other tactics like threats of public shaming, using the children and now refusing to sell our house leaving me stuck! No real advice, but I know how it feels, exhausting 🙁

[Starry]

Thanks KIP,
Have been trying rights of women but unable to get through. No he wouldn’t have anywhere to go, neither do I 🙁
He has me over a barrel.. loosing hope

[Starry]

Thanks Diymum, he would never admit to having alcohol problems, even though he puts having a drink above everything and has hidden bottles of (detail removed by moderator) in the house! So he’s undiagnosed as an alcoholic. I’ve spoken to a nurse this week (couldn’t get an appointment with GP) who was very supportive and has it on record. I’ve never called police on him, although I should have done in the past, but police have been out when he self harmed and again when he ran off and threatened suicide. They spoke mainly to him, making sure he was ok etc… no one asked if me or the children were ok 🙁

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