timeteam

[timeteam]

Thank you, had the worst night ever, had such a panic I rang his number but immediately cut it off before it rang, it must have still registered on his phone a 10 mins later he called me. I said I hadn’t called him and then 10 mins of arguing and I kept hanging up. Then went on to have the worst nightmares and flashbacks re my ex husband, truly terrifying stuff for the couple of hours I did sleep. I stupidly had text my current partner after I hung up asking how he would feel about certain things and told him when he’s thought it through to let me know. Don’t know why I did it, he is unable to answer a straight question anyway, refuses to about anything, so I text early this morning and told him not to reply and have now switched m phone off in an attempt to regain my control on this. Feel so ill, in every possible way, can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.

[timeteam]

Thank you feel so bloody weak and worthless right now because my immediate world just thinks I’m so gutless

[timeteam]

And now I’ve just re read my last post and feel consumed with guilt by saying anything about him, like I’m betraying him and this is probably me being stupid, swinging back to it’s just because he loves me so much, aaaaarggghhhhh. xx

[timeteam]

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me x I had an abusive marriage before this and was utterly terrified of him, very violent man but again more so with the worst kinds of mental abuse, I endured (detail removed by Moderator) years before seeing the effect on my children gave me the courage to get us out, best decision I have ever made and I’m sure this will be the same with time and hoping I can stay resolute. I read up on all your suggestions and that has helped me enormously to at least feel normal to some extent. A massive thank you and also for not making me feel quite so alone. Tried to explain to my family but they don’t gt it, just tell me to get on with it which makes me feel even more worthless. This is such a God send for me xx

[timeteam]

Yes I think the indecision is probably the worst bit, I think I’m resolute and then swing back the other way again, I haven’t contacted him today nor him me, not seen him for over a week, except through the chained door as I wouldn’t let him in. I guess we’ve been at a much milder form of this point so many times before that it’s hard to accept as real this time and my confidence goes. Reading stories on here definately helps as do your replies so thank you. I will hold on holding on xx

[timeteam]

Thank you so much for your replies, I just felt like I was going mad in a never ending circle of pain at least I can try to understand it all now, and knowledge is power, thanks again xx

[timeteam]

I can’t believe it, that is it to a tee, researching trauma bonding now, thank you so much xx

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