TinkaBella

[TinkaBella]

Thank you so much everyone for your replies. Just knowing you’re not the only one going through this and not being over sensitive is a comfort. It’s strange how we almost normalise these vile words and abusive language. What really makes it hit home is when you say about speaking to friends…I’m sure mine would be horrified if they knew that’s how I’m spoken to. If it were the other way round and a friend was telling me her partner tells her to F off; calls her a fat c**t etc I would say that is completely unacceptable…so why do we put up with it?!?! Take care everyone and thanks again x

[TinkaBella]

Hi, I totally agree with what you’re saying! I have recently joined here and hearing from everyone helps give you clarity & definitely feel empowered. I have not left yet either but I just wondered how your friends reacted when you told them? I don’t know why but I feel too guilty to be completely honest with them, like I’m betraying him and I don’t want people to think badly of him as he’s not like that all the time…crazy I know! When he clearly cares so little or else we wouldn’t be on here. Thanks for sharing and take care xx

[TinkaBella]

Hi,

I totally hear so much of what you’re saying! At times I feel like a fraud when I’m sure there are people suffering a lot worse than me, but we are here because something is telling us something is not right. Forgive me if this offends but if he beat me at least I would know that’s abuse, this horrible limbo where you doubt yourself chips away. My partner is not a monster either so why do we feel this way? Is it just a rubbish relationship or we aren’t right for each other? Someone on here made a comment that has really stuck with me…even if it’s not abuse is the behaviour kind?

[TinkaBella]

Thank you for all the supportive comments. I am learning so much from reading all the posts on here and will definitely look into the freedom programme. Thank you xxx

[TinkaBella]

Hi,
I am very new on here too so feel in no position to say whether it is abuse, as I too am looking for answers.
However I recognise a lot of similarities in my partner to what you describe…being a drama queen! If I’m tired well how can I be as I don’t work nearly as hard as him! And it is usually my own fault. He has little sympathy and zero empathy. We can never talk about things either, because if my opinion differs slightly from his I am wrong or stupid. We cannot talk or compromise about anything as he completely shuts down…or rather swears at me and storms off. I wonder what I want from all this sometimes, as even if it is abuse I don’t know that I could end the relationship. Similarly to you I actually think he would be devastated if I thought of him as an abuser. So what do I hope to gain? How do you tell the different between abuse and a rubbish relationship?! And is it possible to change an abuser? I’m sorry I haven’t really helped much I don’t think, but I am finding that sharing experiences make me feel less alone and mad!

[TinkaBella]

I totally agree with the nit picking. It can be done sometimes in such a lighthearted way that you question whether you should feel offended, but when it is over every tiny little thing it really gets you down to the point you can’t do anything right…or he is always right & you are wrong, or even though you may have both done something it is completely your fault. It becomes exhausting and draining. You question everything but that is exactly what they want!

[TinkaBella]

Everything you say makes so much sense, thank you. They really do know exactly what they’re doing…Are nice enough just long enough for you to question your decision to leave & think maybe you are being too harsh or exaggerating. Then bam out come the insults to crunch what little self esteem you have left. I can’t tell you how much these forums are helping, thank you so much.

[TinkaBella]

Hi fruit bowl, I can relate to so much of what you’re saying…the not helping with anything to do with the baby, getting drunk then trying to cuddle them when I’ve literally spent hours getting them to sleep!! But then it’s me with the problem?!?!
My partner always like the upper hand too and is critical about the smallest things sometimes in a jokey way but it chip chip chips down at your confidence.
And oh my goodness the number of awful holidays we have had…at a theme park he swore at me, stormed off and avoided me for the rest of the day as I didn’t want to go on one ride; he has abandoned me at bus stops; he has taken our hire car and driven back to the airport threatening to go home; when there was a particular place I wanted to visit I was a spoilt brat! I could go on…
You are not alone

[TinkaBella]

Thank you so much for your response. I am finding it very helpful reading other post. I can see now a recent situation where he tried to isolate me using emotional blackmail…we have wanted a little break somewhere in this country for a while, I agreed but said to avoid one particular date as I was doing something for (removed by moderator). Well of course he became fixated with this date but I’m pleased to say I stuck to my guns. Beginning to wonder if it was worth it now though as he is being just vile…saying things like how can I chose my friend over our daughters happiness! That must be emotional blackmail.
In your view does abuse get worse…so even though he is not violent as such now it could be leading up?

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