Wheatear

[Wheatear]

Sorry you are going tbrough this. I totally ‘get’ that any reminders of the abuser can be very upsetting. I couldn’t even maintain a relationship with the one and only of his family members that would still talk to me because of their connection to him. Names are the greatest trigger, of course. I would suggest counselling to help you detach from DC’s name as a negative and learn to embrace it as strictly part of DC, not your ex. Yes, the origin of the name is your ex BUT in time, as you heal, you’ll develop an objective perspective in which it won’t matter where the name came from, it will only matter that it’s an important part of DC.
Hugs and best for your healing process.

[Wheatear]

I really admire the honesty and self-realization in your post. You are clearly telling yourself that the life you are leading is not working and needs to change. You are strong and capable of changing your situation. Baby steps or one big leap. You know what to do. Hugs and best <3

[Wheatear]

First, condolences re- your (removed by moderator). Grief for your pet is no doubt co-mingling with your inner conflict about what to do.
Sorry you are going through all this. Sounds like you need more time to work through your emotions and practical concerns. I know you will make the best decision, but two things to keep in mind:
1. The best thing you can do for your kids is to role model that abuse (including emotional/psychological) is NOT something to tolerate and live with. When you are strong and living your life with confidence and self-respect the kids will benefit immensely. Ask me how I know, lol.
2. Be very careful with thoughts that could possibly excuse or vindicate his behaviour. Like when you said, “The way he behaved was due to his own mental health and issues not intentionally to hurt me.” Please, please, please keep in mind that a guy who truly loves and respects you will deal with their own issues/mental health/stress, etc. constructively, without inflicting emotional/psychological abuse on their spouse.

[Wheatear]

Hey Liitlelunar, you are difintely not an abuser. The fact that he’s been blamimg you for everything over such a long period of time clearly shows that he does not take responsibility for his actions or for the relationship. He has shown outright callousness by blaming you for every problem and keeping you on eggshells to try and please him by catering to his every need. I really admire your strength in laying it all out here and coming to the realization tbat it’s time to stand up to him and not take it anymore.

[Wheatear]

Sorry to hear it has not worked out as you had hoped. I know how emotionally tough that is and hard on one’s self-confidence. I guess you need to ask yourself the question: Is there any chance of him changing and treating you with the respect that you deserve?
If the answer is doubtful, then you’re doing yourself a dis-service by staying with him, no matter how long it has been and how difficult it would be to leave. Hugs and best of luck to you in whatever you choose to do.

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