Ziggy

[Ziggy]

Salaam wa rahmatullah.

You posted a fair while back, but maybe this will find you. I pray you are doing well.

Unfortunately some Muslims come from countries that have some pretty messed up aspects to their cultures. And often, people merge the problems of their cultures and pass it off as religion, to suit their own needs. It’s both disgusting and manipulative.

I think it’s important to have access to the right support and knowledge. Do you have a support network in place? And do you have anyone that you turn to for spiritual guidance?

I know being a revert can itself be very challenging and more often than not, both isolating and lonely. I hope this isn’t the case for you. But can imagine how difficult it is having a manipulative partner on top of existing struggles.

I’m a British Muslim. Not a revert exactly, but have only officially considered myself muslim for the last (detail removed by moderator) or so. Please don’t hesitate to drop me a message if you’d like to do so.

I pray that you’re well and your situation gets easier 💚

[Ziggy]

Wow, your replies are all so kind, I’m in tears. To have had so many people telling me that I must be the problem, I started to think that maybe I am the problem. That maybe I should have cooked and cleaned better, looked nicer, had sex with him more. That maybe the solution was to ‘just stop making him angry.’ I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you all just get it.

I still haven’t gone home. He keeps texting me to try and rope me into an argument. And to make me feel as though I am wronging him. He is now saying that he is going to come and pick our son up during the week. I’m terrified that he will actually show up and bring drama to the family home I’m staying in. He says that he is going to be taking my son on weekends soon anyway. It isn’t really that simple, is it? My son is still very young (Detail removed by Moderator). I’m breastfeeding. Surely he can’t take him?

I feel like an idiot. After a lot of time and thought, I eventually realise that his threats and arguments are really stupid. But regardless, he still manages to get into my head. I’m just an idiot.

I’m really terrified for what is to come. I’m so scared that when I go into refuge, things will backfire on me. And I will be alone – I’m traveling a good distance away from him. How will I manage alone? I feel like I am drowning.

[Ziggy]

Thank you all so much for your replies. I called Women’s Aid today, I didn’t think I would, but I am strongly considering refuge. I have issues with anxiety, and I’m just really nervous about it all.

still here, if you don’t mind me asking, is your daughter’s father still in the picture? Is he involved in her life? I want my partner out of our lives, as I can’t bear the thought of him harming my children, psychologically or physically. But my family, who don’t quite understand my situation are annoyed at me just for wanting to leave him, because I will be depriving my children of a father.

My mum told him where I am – I’ve been staying with (Detail removed by Moderator). So now I’m constantly staring out of the window, expecting him to show up.

Can anyone tell me what to expect at a refuge, please?

Again, thank you all so much. I really appreciate the advice and support.

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