Anon24062602

[Anon24062602]

He’s been majorly love bombing me, he came to my family town. Scared me with the idea i’d get in trouble for not letting him see our daughter and said he had a legal right to know where she was. I am being civil and trying to be nice and let him spill his heart at me but I have made it clear I do not intend to go back. I haven’t cried at all, my body is showing the stress as my excema is out of control all over me. I fully intend to stay strong and stand my ground that I’m not going back but I want to be able to co- parent for our daughers sake. He’s promised to get help for all his mental health issues and get medicated and therapy. I do believe his toxic behaviours do stem from issues he never had managed and has given him un healthy coping mechanisms like what hew was doing online and he has never had a healthy relationship to know how to treat a woman correctly. I don’t trust that he’s telling me all the truth about what happened. I feel numb to all of this and just want to focus on learning to love myself again. I’ve felt a massive weight lifted from me and I’m safe and comfortable with plenty of support.

I’m staying strong and not buying into his lies or love bombing. I know if i went back to him currently it would all go back to how it was within a few months. If he seriously changes and gets the much needed help he needs to sort himself out I would only slightly consider it. I know part of me will always love him, he’s the father of my child. But I am NEVER putting myself or my baby in that situation again

[Anon24062602]

I did it!! I’m safe well away from him.

I spoke to my solicitor today and he said it was ok to send the message but to leave it as a message so i can prove he read it. (Detail removed by moderator). If i had been alone i might have answered the phone or thought he’d finally been given a big enough shock to the system to finally listen to my feelings but I know it’s not real and having people with me to support me and tell me not to lean into it has helped so much. I feel safe and supported, I feel so empowered for finally standing my ground and doing this even though I’ve been terrified having full blown panic attacks for the past 2 days. I don’t believe any of his pack of lies anymore. He knows I’m with family but he wont risk doing anything stupid as it could effect his son. He’s currently playing the victim and feeling sorry for himself. There is the smallest part of me that feels so guilty and upset that hes upset…but i couldn’t take it anymore.

Thanks to all the love and support I’ve received doing this I have a happy life in reach for me my baby and our dog. (Detail removed by moderator) and i get to start a new year of my life with a whole new chapter that is still scary and still dont know how this is going to progress but i’m so proud of myself and feel so lucky.

[Anon24062602]

I guess maybe, I’m so scared of his reaction. I’m so close to being gone, but I don’t know if i leave my phone on and i was thinking of leaving a letter… Do i let him call me or stick to messages? Do i block his family from trying to contact me as his mothers got a similar temper and is very protective of him and his son ( as far as I know neither of them would use physical violence but I will also be too far away for them to do that…I’ve told the services i’m in touch with I’m also scared of her. He will be home very late evening from his job when I’ve gotten my stuff out. And has been trying to joke around with me recently…How do i deal with the fallout of leaving as I don’t want him thinking I’ve just ran away with our baby. I’m happy to work out contact but there is a fair distance to where I’m going to and neither of us drive but any services I’ve contacted haven’t flagged up the distance as an issue for contact.

[Anon24062602]

So we had to push back a day because of issues with him (removed by moderator) so he’d be in the house.
he’s been trying to joke around a lot in the past few days… still had the odd outburst where he’s had a go at me. The other morning he woke me up when he got up for work early by coming in the room and turning the light on and using the (removed by moderator) ( hes chose to sleep in a separate room because its more comfy than sharing my bed or so he says)
then asked me to get him (removed by moderator) as his card wasn’t working, i was half asleep and very annoyed as the baby had been fussy and he said ” (removed by moderator)” … just wow. I’m in touch with a place that’s going to offer me support on arrival and has put me in contact with a solicitor. I’m so lucky for all the support I’ve received just i’m feeling so guilty for getting out as hes stopped using the twitter porn and the dating site i found him on… meaning hes either found a girl hes talking to or a few so doesnt need them or hes trying to be good. I’ve got to remember all hes done and that he will go back to it all and wont ever love me or treat me right. I’m a convenience to him.

[Anon24062602]

I know I am trying to seek all necessary help, I’m just really scared of how to deal with the reaction? I really hate confrontation and he has a temper which comes out verbally never physically. I just know if we end this in person he will drag out me moving out and pressure me into staying in the area where I have barely any support just to keep him happy. This is what happened last time we broke up a few months ago. I was very hurt and scared and upset but he was STRAIGHT on the dating sites, he didn’t like that I kept talking about moving out and sorting out splitting up financial ties. I just wanted to get out and move on and heal. He wanted his kids under one roof and to not have to worry about what we’d do with the house ( private rent) and having to get a load of new furniture and how he’d explain to his son that they’d have to go through dealing with another broken family. He made me feel bad about the idea of splitting up the kids because boy already has a sibling by other parent he doesn’t see that much.

I know this is the right thing to do for my own sake and my baby does not deserves to grow up thinking this is an acceptable standard of relationship or see her mother cry often. But I’m constantly filled with anxiety about it, i’m going to hurt and upset a fair amount of people i care about that i can’t even warn whats about to happen in fears it gets back to him.

I’m really really struggling.

[Anon24062602]

my family and friends are being very supportive but im so scared as my dad wants to try and take as much of my stuff as we can and said he’ll put it into storage… so he will come home to a very bare house the beds mine the sofas are mine… i’ll maybe leave him one… why do i feel like i owe him anything? this is his own fault… but i feel bad for his other child i guess. as its going to be a shock. But i need to do this.

[Anon24062602]

update – I know this is stupid but as painful as its been it’s also given me the final push to leave as i was second guessing. (Detail removed by moderator).

This hurts but I needed the closure to know i wasnt crazy, he is trying to hook up with girls. I wasnt just paranoid, he lied through his teeth and manipulated my thoughts every time i was close to seeing his true colours. I’ll be informing my family in the morning whats going on and speed up the progress to get out so my child and i can try and move on and have a healthy life. He cant guilt trip me about them anymore because he hid their very existence. I’m utterly devistated.

I can’t wait for it to get better and to try and actually be happy and maybe eventually find someone who will actually treat me how i deserve to show my child what a healthy relationship can be. luckily they’re currently too young to remember all this.

i could really use a hug.

[Anon24062602]

He is the sole earner while I’m on maternity and boy does he never get tired of saying that after I’ve poured thousands of pounds into our life. My dad’s had to help us out with bills a fair few times and I always feel terrible asking him. His son is (detail removed by moderator) years old and he got full custody of him (detail removed by moderator). I’m starting to think he wasn’t so innocent in that relationship either and played the same mind games with her. I have a good relationship with his mother and one of his brothers and brothers wife and I’ll always be happy to let them have contact with her. I do think he’ll say he will struggle to be able to have the time and to afford to meet me half way to have contact. I’ve been pissy for the past few days because I’ve reached the point I’m fed up with his shit and being treated this way. (Detail removed by moderator). From what I’ve heard he wasn’t very hands on with his son until he was pretty much out of nappies. He’s a bare minimum dad. Now the most he’ll do to spend time with his son is them play video games. We used to go out on walks and go places. He’ll refuse to do anything. Mostly has big naps during the day because he’s up all night on twitter looking at Fanny’s and boobies. I’m trying to have a proper plan in place before I leave so I feel comfortable to do so but it’s getting so hard to put up with him now that the rose tinted glasses are off. I don’t know if he’s definitely met any women and I don’t know if he’s intimately still talking to any. My friends think he’s a narccist.

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