arandomname

[arandomname]

You’re right. I just sent him an email and immediately got 2 replies and a pleading sweet voice message. I’m sobbing in the middle of the airport right now. Oh my god.
He said he won’t defend himself, he’s so sorry, he’ll go to therapy, he’ll do anything to be the man I want him to be.

[arandomname]

You can do it. I’m in the process right now.
That certainly sounds like abuse to me.

[arandomname]

Thank you all for your encouragement. I am now in a taxi on the way to the airport. I’ve been hyperventilating and shaking and trying not to cry for the past couple of hours because it is suddenly so real.
I ended up being safe and not leaving the letter.

I had to tell my flatmates becasue they were still home. They were very supportive but I wish they didn’t have to deal with the oncoming aftermath.

I’m trying not to think past today. Otherwise I will probably break down.

Still don’t know how to handle telling him. Maybe just text him and turn my phone off? I know I shouldn’t worry about him, but I am worried that he’s going to take it extremely bad. I’m not sure he realises what he’s been doing and will think I’m massively exaggerating.

He’s just messaging me now as usual, just asking what I’m up to.

I feel like such a loser. I haven’t cried for a few days, probably because of the flight or fight but am fighting it off now.

[arandomname]

I have just written a letter to him in case I’ll want to leave it. As I was writing I realised that I didn’t feel as bad for him anymore, but started feeling angry.
I would like to share it with someone in case there is any way he could use it against me, though I don’t see how he could.

Basically, it states that I’m leaving and calling off the wedding because I haven’t been happy for a long time, that the relationship is making me ill. Then I point out the different types of abuse he has been doing with some examples.
It ends by saying that this behaviour is ILLEGAL and asking him not to contact me so that we can both recover and move forward.

Does this seem like a bad idea to anyone? I don’t want to leave without saying anything, especially since I don’t want him thinking that something has happened to me.

[arandomname]

Thanks so much for your quick replies, KIP and Tiffany.
I can’t freeze the accounts, I don’t have any access to it. Assuming it’s only in his name. He takes money from me for it by taking it out of the amount he would owe me for rent. So there’s not even any evidence of me giving him money for it… I guess I forget it.
Although legally we are actually already married (for visa purposes), so I suppose in the divorce I might be able to get something back.

A mutual friend has some very important family heirlooms of mine at the moment. I’d like to see if I could get them back today or tomorrow, but obviously worried that they might mention something to him. I could ask them not to say anything and I trust them but would be worried that something might slip out.

I also just made a mistake of telling a friend that I won’t be around probably for an event in a couple of weeks when I was meant to be there. Then asked her to please not tell anyone for now and I will explain soon, but worried that she will freak out that something is wrong and possibly contact him to see if I’m ok.

Planning on calling WA today for any last minute advice, though I am at work today trying to wrap some things up. Hoping that I don’t have an anxiety attack and just act normal.

[arandomname]

I also wanted to ask a few more questio s if that’s ok.
Is it ok to leave him a letter?
We have an investment account that he won’t give me access to. Half of the money is mine. Should I just forget it?
What do I tell mutual friends? Disappearing on them too but don’t want to destroy their friendships with him by telling them.
Can I tell my boss today/tomorrow or wait until I’m gone? She has been very supportive with my mental health issues but doesn’t know the cause.
Thank you for your help.

[arandomname]

Thank you for your replies and support.
My dad called me about something and I ended up telling him that I wasn’t sure about getting married and that I was afraid of how he would react if I tried to call it off or take a break, that he might get violent.
I was at work (not getting anything done obviously, lol) and realised that I had put a decision in motion by telling someone. I started crying and hyperventilating and left work early.
Then my mother called too and I blurted out a lot more and explained that he was abusive.
Going to see my therapist today and after that discuss things with my parents again. They are ready to get on a plane to help me get my stuff and come home.
Meanwhile I have to act like everything is normal with him. I keep thinking about how I’m lying to him and he has no idea whats coming, how I am just going to disappear. He will go mental. I can’t imagine doing that to him. I love him and don’t want to hurt him. I’m going to miss him. It makes me so sad and scared that I won’t get to hold him anymore after this.
I still have to spend the weekend with him somehow because we have committed to something and are going away. So leaving might happen once we’re back and he goes to work.
Omg I’m so scared of doing this. I know I should but I don’t want to and life is going to suck for a long time if I do.

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