Breadandbutterpudding

[Breadandbutterpudding]

Hi Marmalade

Thanks so much for replying. (legal details removed by Moderator).

It’s terrible we have to constantly push to prove ourselves when still trying to come to terms with it. Makes you feel like you’re the one on trial

[Breadandbutterpudding]

Maybe have a read of coercive control and (removed by Moderator) abuse and see if any of it seems familiar?

I don’t want to frighten you but things often escalate slowly over time and would hate this to happen. It took me a year to realise what was happening to me, I had anxiety and panic attacks, but I’ve left. Still coming to terms with it but it can be done

[Breadandbutterpudding]

Feel like I could have written this myself. You are not alone

[Breadandbutterpudding]

Hi, this sounds like an awful time for you I’m so sorry.

One thing I’ve learnt is that if you’re having to ask yourself if it’s abuse, then it’s definitely abuse, otherwise why would we think such things.

More memories will come back but you’ve been conditioned to doubt your own memories you probably have brain fog at the moment.

It took people a year of telling me I was in an abusive relationship that got progressively worse. They never stop, they never change. Well done for the realisation, it’s not easy

[Breadandbutterpudding]

You need to process all the feelings unfortunately. It’s kinda like grieving someone who isn’t dead, which is difficult when there’s the trauma bond.

Please try and block and delete anything to do with him. It’s the only way to move forward, as painful as it seems. Sometimes you gotta rip that plaster off.

She will be in the love bombing stage where he can do no wrong. He’s just baiting you, he probably doesn’t have a happy life at all, he’s bitter and twisted. They don’t change.

Go no contact and have an amazing beautiful life

[Breadandbutterpudding]

Sometimes people have to hit rock bottom to realise they need help. I was in a relationship with an alcoholic, the abuse just got worse and worse in many ways and I’ve left for good now. I tried everything to help him. They need to want to do it themselves. Maybe him realising he could lose you will do it

[Breadandbutterpudding]

Welcome, hope you find this supportive. I’m fairly new and finding it a great comfort, it’s taken me a long time to realise what was abuse, that I wasn’t mad or overreacting. I’ve now left and seeing things much more clearly

[Breadandbutterpudding]

I didn’t put up with it for as long as some people here but my situation escalated very quickly. The minute we moved in together he changed overnight and it was constant every day due to his alcohol addiction. If its affecting your health please give leaving serious thought. I’ve been suffering mystery illness throughout the year and weight loss. It was then I hid an emergency bag but took 3 months to use it. I’ve been away a number of weeks and head is slowly starting to make sense. Try and document things, brightsky app is good and safe for this. You’ll need as much evidence as you can.

Keep reading stories here for strength, it helps.

Good luck

[Breadandbutterpudding]

Thanks

[Breadandbutterpudding]

(detail removed by Moderator) Delilah. That’s disturbing and played all the time

[Breadandbutterpudding]

If I don’t get my belongings then he doesn’t get his. I’m just annoyed as a lot of it is rare things I’ve collected since the 90s I’ll never replace and he knows that. I messaged his mum to see if she would do a box swap but she just wants me to speak to him, which I appreciate, but she doesn’t know the full story and he’s made out to her I’m mad!

I’ve had messages from mutual friends, who have never messaged me before, asking how I am. Haven’t replied!

[Breadandbutterpudding]

Death by a thousand cuts is so right! It’s sad realising that the entire relationship was probably a lie and not real. I’m just glad I can move back to my old area and pick up old friendship and hopefully remember what I used to enjoy.

I just feel so stupid as I used to be such a raging feminist, arranging protest marches. How didn’t I see it happening?

I’ve collected my belongings and he’s put some of his stuff in and a lot of mine is “missing”. Probably so I’ll contact him. May have to cut my losses but very upset as it was sentiment

[Breadandbutterpudding]

I was told when making my statement they can only do something about physical criminal charges, it was my word against his so probably wouldn’t go to court. I’ve been keeping loads of evidence but apparently that’s safeguarding evidence so doesn’t count. Makes you wonder how people do it

[Breadandbutterpudding]

Hi Lisa. Thanks for replying. I’ve been slowly getting back in touch with people after not speaking to them for a number of years, I was convinced my friends hated me. They’ve been great and suggested getting counselling but can’t afford it. I’ve got my things and feeling sad, wondering if I was too hasty. His mother is trying to get me to talk to him but I’m staying strong and saying maybe one day if he gets sober. It’s so confusing but my brain is slowly making more sense

[Breadandbutterpudding]

Think the best thing I’ve read on here recently was that we lived once before them and we will again. I’ve only been away for a matter of days but my head is so much clearer. I’ve been isolated, gaslighted, controlled, threats to kill and it escalated to physical which is when I got out.

It can be done. Go no contact and use that bag. Read the stories here, they really help. Try and collect any evidence you can. The app brightsky is good for this

[Breadandbutterpudding]

I’ve just been in this situation too. Partner was sober recovering alcoholic when we met, that lasted (timeframe removed by Moderator) months until we lived together. I’ve just had to leave recently with an emergency bag and go no contact as the abuse was slowly escalating daily. Like you I’ve tried everything I can. He’s been offered rehab but not interested. They will choose the bottle every time as hard as that is to hear. Look after yourself and the children before you loose yourself completely

[Breadandbutterpudding]

Reading your post seems so similar. Hope you continue to stay strong. We’ve had lives before them and will again, that’s what I’ve been told. Just doesn’t feel that way yet. Once I’ve got my possession I may feel better. This forum has been so helpful. I’ve been convinced I was mad for so long. Police haven’t mentioned coercive to me. They said they can only do something about physical criminal evidence and as it was my word against his, even with photos, it probably won’t go to court. Makes you wonder why I bothered

[Breadandbutterpudding]

My ex is an alcoholic which is why I stayed trying to help but had to accept it was the bottle over me. When you’ve been convinced slowly that you’re the crazy one for so long it’s just exhausting. My brain is only just starting to make sense after (timeframe removed by Moderator). He’s been blocked so can’t contact me and getting my belongings soon. It doesn’t matter if it’s not just physical, document everything. The bright sky app is a good safe way to do it

[Breadandbutterpudding]

Hi, I’m similar with anxiety and depression but been told for ages that I’m mental, I’m going crazy etc. Taken me a long time to understand what been happening and still don’t think it’s as bad as others. I feel guilty I couldn’t convince to get help. I second to try and compile evidence, hidden diaries, recordings, photos.

I’ve given a statement and told its my word against his so probably wouldn’t get to court. Makes you wonder why you bother

[Breadandbutterpudding]

Hi, I’ve just joined and wanted to say hi. I’ve struggled for ages to see my situation as abusive. I’ve left with an emergency bag and no contact. I’ve just done my witness statement. Please try and take photos, secret recording, keep a hidden diary on your phone, anything that could help for evidence. I’ve only just got back in touch with my friends after a long time and they’re amazing. It can be done

[Breadandbutterpudding]

I just wanted to say hi, I’ve just joined and I’ve struggled for a long time to see it as abuse. I’ve gone no contact which is hard but my brain is making sense for the first time in ages. Keep a diary hidden on your phone. Take photos, secret recordings, anything you can

[Breadandbutterpudding]

Thanks for reply. Glad you’re doing well. I’ve got the book It’s Not You, but don’t have a lot of brain capacity for reading right now. Just spending time outside staring into space. I’ve been told not to look into alcohol support groups as that’s not my problem now and to try and process narcissists coercive gaslight emotional etc. (detail removed by Moderator)

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