cantgetout

[cantgetout]

Not too sure if I’m using this site/forum correctly but here goes. I have been housebound for (detail removed by Moderator) due to a physical disability. For (detail removed by Moderator) of those years after meeting the friend of a neighbour my life has been not too dissimilar to your situation. It goes without saying that this is a truly awful situation you are in and you have to understand that men like that are extremely skilled in making you have feelings you should not have. I’m hoping you are safe now but if you are reading this and you are still trapped you must do everything in your power to escape from his clutches. He will never change and will always guilt trip you into believing you should be grateful that he is ‘helping’ you. My abuser is the same but because I cannot get a care worker I am reliant on him for practical needs. I don’t know what to suggest but if you have heard about “The Archer” abuse story which is ongoing you will see how manipulative men like this can be and how powerful they are in making you think that you deserve a lot of his behavior. I hope things change for you and send you my deepest sympathy and good wishes. This man of yours cannot help what he is doing as it is compulsive behavior just like by ‘carer’ who says he loves me but everytime I do anything good for him it is out of fear not love. I stopped loving him a month after I met him. You and I need courage and I hope you get it and listen to that voice in the back of your head that tells you that you deserve a good life.

[cantgetout]

Dear Godschild, I’m not too different to you. I fear being alone for the years ahead as I am housebound and the net is a godsend. You have to strengthen yourself in some way to not be so dependant on him. I know, easier said than done. But put time aside to hard wire into your head that he has taught you to rely on him for your well being. Is he really bringing you any well being. I think I understand self hatred (or something like that) after a bout of my man’s abuse. It really is like brainwashing and these men are skilled at it. Maybe he has convinced you that you cannot live a reasonable life without him. You fear being alone but surely the price you pay is too high. I rely on my man for mainly practical help as I am too ill to leave the house and fantasise for years about being rescued one day and living without his presence ever again. All I ask is you think about what is possible. It’s hard to get to grips with that awful phobia you have but don’t give up. I send you best wishes and courage for better times and remember you deserve a peaceful life, it’s your right.

[cantgetout]

Thank you OlderLady from another old lady. I hope you never loose your voice again through nerves as you are the voice of reason and glad to hear your words. I suppose it’s all about courage in the end.

[cantgetout]

Thank you for that. I’ll try to look her up. I have always felt isolated as I knew of no one in a similar position and that would help me psychologically to know there is someone else going through the same thing. Hope you take care.

[cantgetout]

Thank you, the problem is my physical condition has been treated as purely a mental health issue and no CPN has ever been able to help me with my practical needs and want to steer clear of that kind of help although I fully get your point.

[cantgetout]

Thank you. I haven’t been in here for a while but I’ll have a look at that information.

[cantgetout]

Thank you for your kind words. Fear and lack of confidence is a terrible thing. I am alone apart from this man and have tried to get help from the social services many years ago and was mentally traumatised when they did not help me and was only too glad to take his offer of ‘help’. I am hoping that the social services will put me in touch with someone who will empty my rubbish as this is the main reason I have him here. I did make a bid for freedom some months back by trying to be independant and cutting all my rubbish and putting it down the toilet only to permanently damage my arm doing it with the strain on the muscles. When my arm was out of action I was forced to have him back to empty the rubbish as I like to be clean. With the new law of ‘coercive control’ in place I thought I might have more rights now. I’m hoping I have the chance to free myself from him he said no one will help me including the state. So fingers crossed they will help me. The sad thing is I wanted to make him happy and thought I had that talent until the abuse started. I’m glad I found this site as it has other people who understand this kind of thing. I thought my only way out was suicide but now I’m thinking maybe I have a chance. Thank you so much.

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