Chihiro

[Chihiro]

Well done! Sometimes the smallest victories are the biggest breakthroughs <3 proud of you!

[Chihiro]

Hey Girl!

Thank you so much for sharing, you’re being so strong. A few months ago I was in EXACTLY the same place as you, and I’m still figuring it out. I have found with the nightmares that the more I worked to process what I had been through while I was awake and conscious (as painful and exhausting as that is) the easier it became when I went to sleep. I still can’t bring myself to open up about the grim reality relationship to anyone other then my therapist and one close friend, but the solace I have found in them is enormous. I recently joined this forum to try to connect with others who I knew I could share with and talk openly without the fear of judgement and misunderstanding, and it has helped so much so just keeping doing what you’re doing.

Recently my nightmares have turned into something else- when he appears in my dreams, it’s not reliving the terrible things that happened, but the opposite. In this dream we are going to sleep in our bed, and I am wrapped up in his arms and it feels so RIGHT, and SAFE and CALM, it feels like coming home. And in the dream I am crying because I feel so guilty for allowing myself to go back to him, and so confused about feeling so safe and warm and loved in the presence of the man who broke me. In some ways I am finding these dreams worse, although they are less traumatic at the time, because I find it so hard not to be completely angry at myself for them.

This whole process is so confusing that it is easy to turn in on yourself, and feel completely alone, how could anyone else understand these thoughts and feelings when I can’t understand them myself? But know you’re not alone! And it will get easier <3

[Chihiro]

Isn’t it mad how the further down the road of recovery you go the more you notice?! It’s like opening pandoras box. I do the exact same, going over every conversation with everyone thinking about how annoying I was or how I must have come off as obnoxious or conceited or rude. I realised these are all things that my ex used to tell me I was! I really hope that this gets better for you too, sending love! <3

[Chihiro]

“pull the rug out” is such a good way of putting it! I never really saw it as a trigger before but I guess that’s exactly what it is. Thank you for the suggestion, I will give that a read. I tried CBT in the past (prior to the relationship) for anxiety related issues and it didn’t work for me then, but I might give it a try in this situation. Hope you are doing better now x

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