Chunkydunk

[Chunkydunk]

Brilliant love it x

[Chunkydunk]

Hi, I have been out a few months now and it’s been a rollercoaster of a ride. It’s so very lonely & you have constant memories of him in your head good & bad. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of dragging myself through the the pain. I was told yesterday he is on holiday abroad with his new woman, he wanted me to know. Still vile to the core! It certainly is like a drug addiction you do know how bad it is for you yet you still crave it. I do understand now how difficult it is to work through I never expected to feel so bad. The ladies here help so much & they are right it’s good to educate yourself on why you feel this way. You are not alone. Take care x

[Chunkydunk]

Hi Ladies, I wanted to offer my support as I too traveled this road for decades. He too was a alcoholic & blamed the drink for everything. The truth is he is a disgusting lying individual that I constantly forgave because his behaviour was either according to him was because of the drink or my fault. He too didn’t turn up at the hospital for my operation & when he did finally rock up he was drunk! He has used me for years to pay bills whilst he has been off with other women. I finally got out (detail removed by moderator) ago after he sealed his own fate. It’s been so hard & I struggle every day it’s not a good feeling knowing you have been taken for a fool for years & having to start again at (detail removed by moderator) but with the help of a therapist & the boards here I’m getting through it & you will to. Stay strong ladies & good luck x

[Chunkydunk]

It’s surprising how supportive people are once you open up & speak out but that is difficult at first as we are so used to covering for them. My ex was exactly the same lied about his passed relationships & lied about pretty much everything else. He went straight into this new relationship & of course after the initial love bombing history will repeat itself. He has spent a lifetime being an abuser he can’t keep up the charm for long. We all feel stupid for putting up with it but we held out for the dream of the life we wanted & hoped for, the one he told you you would have in the beginning. It is hard to process what we have put up with but as ladies on here have said it gets better but it’s a bumpy ride at first. Be kind to yourself x

[Chunkydunk]

Hello Shocked, I wanted to reply to give you some support. I too was told to forget it & move on it’s in the past after his abuse, as if it was nothing, which I suppose to him that’s exactly what it was as was I…. nothing. I think when we get out of these relationships we don’t expect to have this intense feeling of grief & it comes as a shock to us all. I know I have never felt pain like it in all my life. Seeing the therapist has helped me clear my head somewhat & this forum has been such a help. I still have him in my head 24/7 but it is not all consuming anymore. I am trying so hard to move on as quickly as possible because I don’t want him to define the rest of my life. He has taken decades of it as it is! I couldn’t see anything positive a few months ago & I didn’t know how I stayed upright somedays, I couldn’t get past him. The ladies on here were right it’s so hard but it does improve I have started to look forward now. I wish you all well x

[Chunkydunk]

Thx Snowbunting
I totally relate to your story. I was shocked that she took it back to my childhood but it has helped clear the fog in my head. I am seeing her next week as I feel she is helping me but yes you are right I need to get the tools to deal with the future & leave the past behind. Thx for reaching out I will look into it x

[Chunkydunk]

I have just been re reading this & wanted to share something my therapist said in the hope it could help someone. She also brought up my childhood & came up with the way I feel is abandoned. Not a word I would ever os associated with how I was feeling & I certainly wasn’t abandoned as a child, but circumstances when I was a very young & shy child left me with a feeling of abandonment which I have obviously always carried with me. Hence why I clung onto him for decades & why when I did finally get out I didn’t feel a sense of freedom I was flailing around & couldn’t cope because I felt abandoned & wanted to cling onto him still. She explained that if I was alone in a ocean & a shark came along I would cling to it! Makes sense to me now that Xmas was so bad because I felt abandoned & had no one to cling to x

[Chunkydunk]

Thankyou for your support. He is asking to remain friends, but I know it’s just to continue his vile mind games. I don’t want to know what he is doing but he makes sure I know & when his new relationship gets messy (as it will) he will be crying to me declaring his love. Not anymore I finally got out & I intend to make it work. His personality does not match his public persona either x

[Chunkydunk]

Thank you both for being there today. He is a narcissist. I’ve known that for a long time. Yes everything you have said is absolutely spot on. He is back in contact to mess up my head & keep his options open. He really is a vile being & I know now he is playing the same game he has always played. Thank you so much for kicking my butt, I needed that from people that have been there x

[Chunkydunk]

Thx Kip, it’s been one hell of a day the worst since I left. I know you are right in fact I realise now that he used me for decades as he is about to use this latest poor sap. I had no contact & the minute I did he was straight there. Always using & abusing under the guise of caring, saying he will help with any maintenance I need or putting shelves up in my tiny home that he has reduced me to at (detail removed).I honestly never thought I would feel this bad. I think I ran on adrenaline for months once I got out & now reality’s hit. I’m definitely going to get help, this is to much to deal with alone x

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