Creamflowersbloom

[Creamflowersbloom]

I just hope I’m able to finish it all this year. I have moments where I feel sad for him, I keep thinking he has no idea I don’t feel the same way for him. It’s soul destroying the abuse.

[Creamflowersbloom]

Hello KIP,

Since I posted I met with two support domestic abuse police officers and they’re going to offer me support when I leave/get rid of him. They understand I need to save some money first. I’m starting to think persuading him into letting us sell the house to downsize is a good idea and benefits him…. really I just want to find a buyer then make it clear I want my own place or something like that. I can’t report him, he has legal rights to our house, then have to live in hell with him waiting for a trial. I’m not leaving the home as I think in this day and age, women should not have to give to their rights and flee the marital home. Although I accept that may have to be the way it is. I also phoned my GP to ask to be put on the pill and he was relieved because he was aware of the abuse. I’m going to keep the pill hidden at work and cut off tabs to take home at the weekend etc. If he knew he couldn’t handle it. He wants us to have a child together- I do not. It’s by Gods good graces that I’ve never got pregnant. But he’s also likely sterile from years of steroid abuse! But it felt powerful to start the pill today. I also went swimming with my friend who originally reported him. I haven’t drank in years because he didn’t allow me too. Now I’m making plans with friends at all the things I will get to do with them!

[Creamflowersbloom]

Hi free spirit,

Yes, I’ve had the same experience. I once left for 3 days, he neglected our pets, trashed the house and I bore the brunt of it. Have you left your abuser? How did you do it?

I’m surprised I’ve finally made it to this point that I’m ready to leave, or more so get rid of him. I realise I’m tied up in a mortgage with him. I’m playing the good wife, but I’ve suggested to him we should sell the house and get a smaller house. So I’ve planted the seed. Then if we got a buyer I’d say I’m going to get my own house. Or suggest we get two properties one each and rent one to cover both mortgages or something. He need to believe it’s his idea. It’s funny because he’s said yes that would be great, we downsize, we go on more holidays, NO! He’s deluded. Xx

[Creamflowersbloom]

I have had this recently too. I fantasise about a good Christian man who adores me. The level of abuse is too much that we find solace in imagining someone who would treat us how we deserve to be treated. It’s healthy you’re thinking of other men, it means you are starting to think of leaving.

[Creamflowersbloom]

I think the lies about taking steroids and the realisation he won’t ever change have finally set in. If we ever had a child…. he pushed his sister when she was pregnant…. he has abused his own family for years too. The worst part is he doesn’t think he has abused me.

[Creamflowersbloom]

I think I’m at breaking point. My friends know, my family know. I’ve even let my boss at work know. I developed really bad anxiety which clearly stems from how I’m treated.

I feel if I leave him I need to do everything which would stop contact with him. Or I need to go to the police and get the locks changed. It’s half his house too? I’m scared to ruin his life by going to the police. I hate the thought of him finding someone else and not being with me anymore. But I hate the thought more of him abusing someone else.

[Creamflowersbloom]

So proud of you and your strength. Currently trying to leave myself but having to do it in such a way it goes unnoticed x

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